Like all of us right now, beloved Food Network personality Alton Brown is having a Normal One. Or at least he was last night when his Twitter feed got a little bit weirder than usual. Which means it got very very weird.
It started … simply with a tweet any of us could have made …
No matter what happens tomorrow, we’ll still have tiny chocolate doughnuts.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Then a little more, shall we say, stressed.
I’m seriously thinking about @LittleDebbie
#NuttyBars and cigarettes. Honestly, like at the same time.— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
It quickly became confrontational.
So many Food Network people are like “oh, I’m going to braise short ribs in elderberry jam…” Screw that, I’m going to mainline moon pies and snort cheese powder!
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
And then, the wonderful, logical host of Good Eats completely snapped, letting all of his darkest Cutthroat Kitchen impulses take the Twitter wheel.
I’M TALKING ABOUT PIPING SPAGHETTIOS INTO STALE TWINKIES AND EATING THEM NAKED IN THE SHOWER WITH A BOTTLE OF JAEGER
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
I’M OPERATING A FORK LIFT AT THE NITRO FACTORY.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
I HAVE 17 CANS OF DUNCAN HINES FROSTING AND I’M NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM. BACK THE HELL OFF!
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT CRAZY LOOKS LIKE? I’VE GOT MARSHMALLOW FLUFF AND THREE FEET OF GARDEN HOSE! YOU WANNA DANCE?
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Alton are you okay????
I’LL DEAL WITH YOU AS SOON AS I’M DONE WITH THIS CAPT CRUNCH SITZ BATH.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
TWO WORDS: RANCH…STINGS.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
MURDER HORNET FONDUE
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
UMMMMMMMMMM?
HAS ANYONE ACTUALLY EVER MET A “JOLLY RANCHER”?
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
YOU WANNA EAT WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT? FINE…EAR WAX.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
PRINCE SAID IT BEST “LET’S GET CRAZY.”
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
I think we passed crazy seven tweets ago, my friend.
SWISS FREAKIN’ MEATBALLS FOR EVERYONE
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
GRAPENUTS ROCK…ESPECIALLY WITH HALF N HALF AND SCOTCH.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
I’M MAD AS HELL AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Yeah, we got that!
CANNED FRUIT SALAD AND CHEEZE WIZ WITH HERSHEY’S SYRUP AND GIN
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
I want you to go out right now and buy Fritos and cat food.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Turn off the lights and run 23 Slim Jims through the juicer.
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Well, at least he turned off the capslock.
who’s with me?
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Well …
I SAID “WHO’S WITH ME”?
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Fine, fine! I’ll get my keys.
Thankfully, Mr. Brown seemed a but better today?
I think I blacked out. What’d I miss?
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
But this Twitter breakdown (or breakthrough) certainly makes me want to check out whatever is going to happen tonight on Brown’s YouTube.
I may have lost my mind but @IngramElizabeth and I will definitely be going live with #QuarantineQuitchen tonight at 8pm eastern on the YouTubes! #ElectionNightSteak. Alcohol will be served. pic.twitter.com/Yrp1pQsGEC
— Alton Brown (@altonbrown) November 3, 2020
Stay safe out there, friends. Especially you, Alton Brown.
(Image: ANGELA WEISS/AFP via Getty Images)
Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!
—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—
