Michael Bay Probably Should Never Give Anyone the “Sex Talk” and Here’s Why [Video]

It'll be just like Underworld but with more gratuitous car-washing scenes.

Recommended Videos

“Honey, little Michael Jr is turning thirteen this year. It seems like he’s starting to notice the girls in his class a lot more these days. Don’t you think he needs to hear about the… you know, the ‘birds and the bees’ soon?” Michael Bay’s wife will one day say to him.

“Honey… birds… bees…THAT’S IT! Someone get Roberto Orci on the phone, stat!” He’ll reply, jumping up from his waterbed sofa because I just bet he has, like, three of those.

“Michael, no, please don’t make this into a billion dollar explosion-filled blockbuster franchise that has nothing to do with the actual topic at hand,” she’ll plead.

“Too late, I’ve already decided I’m gonna cast Megan Fox as the bee’s hot sidekick!” he’ll shout over his shoulder as he catapults himself through the breakaway window they’ve had installed in their living room for special occasions.

His wife will sigh and rub her temples.

“Damn it, this is just like when the transformer in my laptop charger shorted out.”

(Mashed via Geekosystem Tips)

Meanwhile in related links


The Mary Sue is supported by our audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn a small affiliate commission. Learn more
related content
Read Article ‘New Life’ Is a Fun, if Thin, Horror-Thriller
Jessica sits by an abandoned car in the woods in 'New Life.'
Read Article All About Lady Danbury, the Coolest Member of ‘Bridgerton’s Ton
Lady Danbury on Netflix's Bridgerton.
Read Article Here’s How Long Contestants Remain Isolated on ‘The Circle’
Host Michelle Buteau on The Circle
Read Article Oh Boy, Colleen Hoover’s Most Unhinged Book Is Getting a Film Adaptation
Colleen Hoover attends the 2023 Time100 Gala next to the cover of Verity
Read Article We’re So Excited for What That ‘X-Men ’97’ Cameo Could Mean!
Scott Summers and the X-Men in X-Men '97 trailer
Related Content
Read Article ‘New Life’ Is a Fun, if Thin, Horror-Thriller
Jessica sits by an abandoned car in the woods in 'New Life.'
Read Article All About Lady Danbury, the Coolest Member of ‘Bridgerton’s Ton
Lady Danbury on Netflix's Bridgerton.
Read Article Here’s How Long Contestants Remain Isolated on ‘The Circle’
Host Michelle Buteau on The Circle
Read Article Oh Boy, Colleen Hoover’s Most Unhinged Book Is Getting a Film Adaptation
Colleen Hoover attends the 2023 Time100 Gala next to the cover of Verity
Read Article We’re So Excited for What That ‘X-Men ’97’ Cameo Could Mean!
Scott Summers and the X-Men in X-Men '97 trailer