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21 Things You Probably Didn't Think eHow Could Teach You

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1.

How To Stop Sucking Your Thumb At 21 Years Old

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need: Lollipops, Toothpicks, Therapist, Hypnotherapist

When you find yourself wanting to suck your thumb, pull out a lollipop or toothpick and suck or chew on it instead. Do this for a few weeks until you are comfortable not sucking your thumb. At this time begin to wean yourself off the lollipops or toothpicks by using them less and less.

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2.

How To Be Like Ke$ha

Difficulty: Challenging

Be yourself. Yes, this article is about how to be like Kesha but Kesha is a unique individual. Don’t show your cleavage or turn into a stick figure in order to get attention; simply let others see your own unique qualities. Let your beautiful inner qualities shine and people will be instantly attracted to you — just as they are to Kesha.

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3.

How To Write Bad Poetry

Difficulty: Easy

Use words that have lots of letters but you have no idea what they mean. Look in a dictionary for particular long and complicated words and include them in your poetry. It also helps if they rhyme, but anything goes in bad poetry.

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4.

How To Destroy A Voodoo Doll

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Things You’ll Need: White Cloth, Sea Salt, Fruit, Coins, 7-Day Protective Candle

Take the doll to a remote stream or forest and leave it there. Bring an offering of fruit and some coins. When you leave the doll, ask the spirits of the water or earth to transform the doll’s negative energy.

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5.

How To Sell Car Audio To A Stupid Teenage Who Talks Gangster

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Ok so the gangster talking kid is hanging around your showroom, so now what? You have to understand that these people have jobs and get paychecks too, so if he is enticed by something he will blow his entire paycheck on it– no problemo. If not, he is just there to talk to you about things he will “get in like a month” because it makes him feel like a millionaire. The next step will help you identify why they are in your store, and if you can actually make this encounter into a sale.

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6.

How To Vanquish And Summon Balthazar

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need: Balthazar flesh, pigs feet, etc etc.

if your still alive you must make the potion:

ingredients:
Cockles

Crickets

Pig’s Feet

Mandrake

toadflax

a dash of cardamom

a pinch of carrot seeds

elm bark

Slice of demons flesh (Balthazar)

Mix the ingredients in a pot over fire with boiling water. Then add the demons flesh
stand back when you drop in the flesh for it will explode a bit

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7.

How To Lose An American Citizenship

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Commit treason. If you want to forfeit your U.S. citizenship, remember that treason convictions usually result in prison sentences. Committing treason is the only way to have your citizenship involuntarily taken from you. Acts of treason include armed attack against the U.S. government or sabotage for its ruin. A U.S. court must find you guilty of treason before your citizenship can be revoked.

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8.

How To Use Cowboy Jargon

Difficulty: Easy

Try using a new word once a week. Vow to incorporate that word in your everyday conversations at least once a day for a whole week. It should be part of your normal vocabulary by then. See a partial list of cowboy jargon below in the tips section.

From the tips section:

On the warpath

Shoot yourself in the foot

Saddle up

Rode hard

Bite the dust

Long, dusty trial

Rope them in

Lasso them in

Round them up

Trigger happy

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9.

How To Start A Home-Based Debt Collection Agency

Difficulty: Moderate

In addition to a computer, a home-based debt collection agency should have a dedicated telephone line (it’s much more professional than having 5 year old Joey answer the phone), a fax machine, and copy machine

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10.

How To Stop A Dog From Eating Feces

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Train your dog to defecate on demand.

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11.

How To Fail To Succeed (or How To Succeed At Failing To Give Your Article An Indicative Title)

Difficulty: Moderate

Change your mindset that failures are acceptable. Change your mindset that failing is ok. Change your mindset that failing is a learning

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12.

How To Get Fired

Difficulty: Moderate

Compile the office gossip into an interdepartmental memo hit, the send button and sprint for the exit. Don’t hold anything back: trysts, fraud, and paranoid speculation are all fair game. Be sure to mention that everyone thinks Darrell’s pants are too tight.

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13.

How To Pretend To Be An Indie Rock Expert

Difficulty: Too underground to be listed on such a mainstream article.

“Yeah, Dean Wareham is such a Lou Reed and Velvet Underground disciple. But it’s funny because Galaxy 500 was more about the drone, but Luna has more of the pop-strum feel of “Loaded.” So he’s covered the gamut of Lou’s influence in his career. I don’t like Damon and Naomi, though. They are way too Lo-Fi. (Pause). You know, I saw Luna open for VU in Prague back in the early ’90s on their European reunion tour.”

Read the full article. Heads up, this one is a multi-pager. Don’t miss the links at the bottom of each section.

14.

How To Pretend To Be A Girl

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need: Feminine haircut or wig, Manicure and fingernail polish, Body waxing or shaving supplies, Tight cotton underwear, Bra, False breasts or tissue, Women’s clothes, Comfortable shoes, Accessories, Makeup

Select shoes that you can manage. Your first instincts may be to purchase a pair of high heels, but if you aren’t practiced in walking in them, you’ll soon have troubles. Instead, choose a cute pair of flats or even strappy sandals so that you are comfortable when pretending to be a girl.

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15.

How To Pretend You're Working While At Work

Difficulty: Easy

Become one with the screen minimizing function on your computer. Since most people spend the majority of the time that they’re not working surfing the Net, being able to toggle between say a screen where you’re actually performing your job duties and another one featuring your favorite website is an invaluable skill.

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16.

How To Avoid Being Arrested For Public Nudity

Difficulty: Easy

Refrain from being naked in front of children. Even states with very liberal public nudity laws tend to frown on this sort of thing. Exposing genitalia or other private body parts to minors is almost a sure invitation to arrest.

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17.

How To Refuse The Advances Of An Attractive Woman

Difficulty: Easy

Make crude comments to the attractive woman. Most women want respect from a man while being drooled over. If you only look at her like a piece of meat she will likely disappear.

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18.

How To Ruin Someone's Life

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need: A fabulous wardrobe, Access to trendy clubs, The paparazzi on speed dial

Befriend your mortal enemy. It’s like they always say, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Get to know the person and let her think you are friends. Gather information and direct some of her actions based on this new relationship.

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19.

How To Use Superglue To Fix A Tooth

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need: Lighted mirror; metal fork; clean, dry cloth; surgical superglue; tissue; nail file

Run your tongue over the repair. Smooth any rough spots by rubbing them down with a nail file. This type of adhesive can create very sharp edges on the inside of the mouth once it is fully set.

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20.

How To Remove Superglue From A Tooth

Difficulty: Easier than you’d think.

Things You’ll Need: Saliva, warm water

Use your saliva to wet the glue on your tooth. This will help break up the adhesive.

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21.

How To Unlock Telekinetic Abilities

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You’ll Need: Spoon

Hold a spoon, and concentrate on an image of the metal becoming soft and melting so that the spoon bends. Focus on the spoon for at least five minutes. Practice daily.

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