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What's with the name?

Allow us to explain.

My Spidey Sense Is Tingling

The Mary Sue Received An Interesting Superhero Package In The Mail Today (NSFW)


So interesting, in fact, we can’t post an image of it on our front page. If you’d like to find out what it is, click ahead but be forewarned: NOT SAFE FOR WORK. 

Remember when we posted those fake, Avengers-themed sex toys? Well, apparently Doc Johnson took notice and decided to send us a care, ahem, package of the real deal.


[View All on One Page]

It’s their entire collection of “Super Hung Heroes,” (Rock Hard Man, The Amazing Web Shooter, The Incredible Hunk, and The Caped Cock). It disrupted the entire office for a good 15 minutes and it was the perfect way to end a rough week. Thank you, Doc Johnson.

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  • Anonymous

    Could’ve been worse. At least they didn’t send you their version of an “Infinity Gauntlet.”

    I’m sorry.

  • bentoboxx

    Does the Hulk one get bigger when you get angry?

  • Gerald Kirby

    “The perfect way to end a rough week”? Sounds like the perfect start to a rough weekend. ;D

  • Anonymous

    So is “package” a double entendre here?

  • http://www.thenerdybird.com/ Jill Pantozzi

    We would NEVER do such a thing!

  • Nirali

    I need this in my life.

  • Camille Monae

    that is awesome and hilarious!

  • http://twitter.com/#!/scarletsherlock scarletsherlock

    Oh man, I’m crying with laughter. Now I want to know what other awesome perks you Mary Suers get (and how do I get a job).

  • VaginaBoy

    Rock Hard Man’s arc reactor must hurt.

  • http://www.commonplacebook.com electrasteph

    Wow. I saw some “fake” artist renderings of similar products online, but didn’t know someone was making them for real. Interesting.

  • Gerald Kirby

    You’re a terrible liar, Jill. XD

  • Amanda

    Not sure if i’m jealous or amused. I think i’ll settle for both.

  • Solkir

    Damn! Would totally use that Web Shooter one. The Incredible Hunk scares me a little though.

  • Anonymous

    Yes. It comes with a detachable stress ball-air pump.

  • Anonymous

    I’m too proud to say that I find the Hunk intriguing.

  • Anonymous

    Rock Hard Man should be the Thing.
    Pop culture needs to stop assuming that just because Hulk is humungous doesn’t mean he’s equally well hung. When Banner becomes Hulk, it should have the same effect on his genitals as decades of steroid abuse such that penis shrinkage is inverse to muscle growth. Having shrivelled gonads would help keep him angry. The Abomination, who was exposed to more concentrated Gamma radiation, is sometimes shown to be asexual when naked (unless his just retract inward when not in use). Or it could stay the same size as when he’s human so that he’d be proportionate like a gorilla having a 2″ tallywhacker. I blame the rebranding of the Hulk as a superhero rather than a monster that no one should aspire to.

  • Ividia Kt

    ROFL so bad my eyes are leaking. Oh Myyyyy!

  • Anonymous

    Wait, no ultra-adjustable Hank Pym model?

  • Laura

    Iron Man.

  • chris

    whoah! want! LMAO.

  • http://www.thenerdybird.com/ Jill Pantozzi

    I believe that’s who “Rock Hard Man” represents. :)

  • Bear TheDad

    HEYOOOOOOO!

  • Bear TheDad

    Makes me think that Mandarin must be pretty hung to wear ten rings at a time.

  • CommentsSectionsAreDumb

    Aaaaand? Lunch break’s over. Reviews?

  • http://www.thenerdybird.com/ Jill Pantozzi

    You’re welcome. Thanks for making our day!

    By the way, my vote is for Green Lantern (it could take ANY shape) and Beast.

  • Lien

    Doctor strange and the punisher.

  • Wolf Plushtoy

    So many to chose from.

    Reed “Mr. Fantastic” Richards, able to stretch his body parts to any length, would be an obvious candidate.

    A lot of people think Scott Summers is pretty much a dick, and there’s something poetic about a dildo that shares a codename with a one-eyed monster.

    However, the next wave simply must have “The Logan”: Make it shorter, but give it a metal skeleton under the latex (Ok, just one bone, but work with me here)… and it’s the best at what it does.

  • alk

    Welp, that just happened. If I need to make any of the geeks in my life laugh, I know what to link them!

  • Madeleine Odowichuk

    First Jim Sterling gets a dragon dildo, and now this? Is this going to be a new trend for internet-famous people?

  • blu girl

    Soooooo my birthday is in 2 weeks. Just throwing that out there……

  • blu girl

    Thor’s “Hammer”? And the Aquaman toy should be waterproof of course :)

  • Dashiell A.T., esq.

    Begging for a “Star-Spangled Boner” a la Captain America………….

    You can use the name, even. That one’s free, just make it so I can buy it!

  • Anonymous

    As I told Jill on twitter, someone sent you dildos? now that’s a dick move.

  • Floweramon

    Just throwing this out here since you say you’re asking for ideas for future products, perhaps you could do a line for villains? I know the line is called Super Hung Hero Central, but I think it might make a good subline of products. Just a thought.

  • Anonymous

    Oh goodness, please give us Loki! I will always kneel………..or, ya know, be more on my bac-ahem! These are awesome, thank you :D

  • ClockworkTiger

    I’m just thinking about how awesome it would be to tell someone off with the classic angry epithet “Eat a box of dicks!”, and then throw down an actual box of dicks in front of them.

  • R4ch43L

    Can I work for you, please?

  • Anonymous

    This made me snort so hard I think I broke my brain.

  • CommentsSectionsAreDumb

    The Thingie.

  • ayame9872

    like Gladys implied I’m dazzled that any one can profit $6715 in one month on the computer. read this article

    w­w­w.Y­A­D­7.c­o­m

  • cgthegeek

    Are these casts of the actors? If so, where’s the Cap one?

  • Anonymous

    I was gonna go with, star spangled splatter.

  • Ross Van Loan

    Webbed for her pleasure.

  • Killemalla

    Aquaman could have a vibrator component and be waterproof.

  • Anonymous

    I would like this, but it has 69 upvotes which is just too perfect.

  • http://www.thechildhealthsite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1 Edcedc8

    colossus: ribbed for her pleasure

  • LifeLessons

    It’s good being you, isn’t it? ;)

  • Anonymous

    One the one hand, just no way. One the other hand, these are awesomely funny.

  • Sally Strange

    “FITTING”

    HA HA

  • http://booooomstrawberries.tumblr.com/ Natalie Sharp

    The Batman one seems angular…

  • http://www.aeryllou.tumblr.com/ Aeryl

    Alright Marvel, WHY AREN’T YOU LICENSING THESE ALREADY!!!

    (And Nail Art? Can you get on the ball for licensed nail art supplies?)

  • http://twitter.com/#!/scarletsherlock scarletsherlock

    I can’t believe you haven’t done Thor yet. “The Hammer is my Penis” jokes make themselves.

  • http://shiftercat.livejournal.com/ ShifterCat

    It’s sexual fantasy land. The rules are different.

  • http://shiftercat.livejournal.com/ ShifterCat

    I used to work in a sex shop, and I was always amazed at just how close companies could skate to the line of copyright infringement.

    FYI, there is at least one Avengers porn parody out there.

  • Anonymous

    Is the Hulk really that popular of a sexual fantasy though? Regardless of how big one believes he’s endowed, it seems like the best case scenario for having sex with him is not being reduced to a red paste. If it wasn’t for the “name” recognition, wouldn’t such a product sell equally well associated with another superhero?

  • Anonymous

    A Hulk dildo? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

  • Anonymous

    LMAO! That’s too precious.

  • Anonymous

    Clap – clap – clap. Well done good sir. Well done!

  • Anonymous

    Just make sure the folks aren’t around to see the gift unwrapping. Shudder.