Like ’em or not, you’ve gotta hand it to Buzzfeed — they’ve turned sharing GIFs on the Internet into an art form. But when you strip all the images away, what’s left? Nothing but curiously vague bits and pieces of phrases. Honestly, after reading some of these, it really should have occurred to us earlier that a Buzzfeed staffer was behind @horse_ebooks.
The Tumblr “Buzzfeed Articles Without the GIFs” first started with this amazing gem about two weeks back. Regardless of your own position regarding mushrooms, not having any kind of context for when each thought begins and ends sure makes this an incredibly strange rant.
Mushrooms are empirically disgusting. They are the worm-iest of foods. Worms or mushrooms?? YOU CAN’T EVEN TELL. Mushrooms are literally fungus. Did you know that the FDA legally allows 19 maggots and 74 mites in every 3.5-ounce can of mushrooms!! Mushrooms taste like nothing unless you coat them in oils and spices. They are slimy weird bulb food!!! Mushrooms are the surprise ruiner of many a pasta. Some of them LOOK LIKE BRAINS. Mushrooms look like garbage thrown on a pizza. They’re weird and puffy and scary. Everyone thinks vegetarians want a portobello mushroom sandwich or burger. Mushrooms are a poor and creepy excuse for a meat substitute. AHHH IS IT TOUCHING ME? I FEEL LIKE IT’S TOUCHING ME. Mushrooms make a very unpleasantly colored soup. THIS IS AN UNHOLY UNION OF LIFE (ZUCCHINI) AND CRUEL, SENSELESS DEATH (MUSHROOM CARCASSES). Does this sound at all appetizing??? A mushroom once told me it hated puppies AND Beyoncé. Thanks for nothing, mushrooms. You are not a fun guy.
Then there was this timely and festive piece last week about Halloween. For fun, see if you can guess what kind of GIF each each “like” was supposed to represent here. Bonus points if you mix and match.
In college, picking out a costume was like. Now you go back to visit and you’re like. In college, you went out on Halloween like. Now you’re like. In college, you and your friends make awesome group costumes. Now you’re like. In college, when you see a cute couple dress up together. Now you’re like. But then you’re like. In college, when you see someone else with the same costume. Now you’re like. In college, when kids show up to your apartment to trick or treat. You mean there are children in this town? Now you’re like. In college, when your friend suggests you enter the costume contest at the end of the night. WE’RE FABULOUS. Now you’re like. In college, when your friend shows up in a costume consisting entirely of lingerie. Now. In college, when someone asks if you’d rather stay home and watch “Hocus Pocus”. Now. HAPPY HALLOWEEN.
And then there’s this wonderfully sparse listicle that was posted a few days ago, which Maddox will probably appreciate, seeing as he had some complaints last week about a very similar article he’d once come across:
This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This. This.
As PJ Vogt points out over at On The Media, though, it’s an easy joke to make — but it’s not exactly a fair one. Buzzfeed’s GIF roundups are an inherently visual medium and the text was never intended to make sense without the accompanying images in the first place. Of course, Vogt puts it more elegantly by offering up a comparison: “The New Yorker without words is just pencil sketches of married couples looking wry in bed and ads for fancy berets.”
That being said, it’s still funny as hell, and there’s a whole lot more that this Tumblr can do with the joke before it gets old. Seriously, I can’t stop laughing at the mushroom one. It just makes me feel like
- Speaking of which, Maddox really does hate Buzzfeed
- CNN seems to love them a whole bunch, though
- As does former Politico reporter Ben Smith