It wouldn’t be Halloween without sexy costumes. Something about the “scary” fits undeniably well with the “sexy.” Maybe it is because some monsters are inherently sexy, like vampires and witches. Or it could be because we all feel so repressed the rest of the year, we can be our authentic selves while wearing a costume. No matter what the reason, Halloween is synonymous with some element of sexuality.
I love a good sexy Halloween costume. If it makes you feel hot, wear it and people will feel the sexy vibes radiating from you, no matter what outfit you picked. The costume could be something with little fabric, such as a sexy devil, or something that covers most of the body, like a Bridgerton Duke-inspired costume. But this list I have compiled for you has tossed all actual elements of sex appeal, taste, and logic out of the window. Get ready for the worst “sexy” costumes of the year.
13. Sexy White Bunny Costume for Men
Sexy men’s costumes do not have the variety that women’s costumes do. This year there seem to be more than ever, but some have really missed the mark. The sexy bunny just looks lazy with the weird shorts and crop top.
12. Baked Chef Costume
This costume may not be as revealing as others, but I am really lost on the sexy concept here. No, I don’t want to be a scantily-clad chef who likes to cook with weed for Halloween. Who was this made for?
11. Pretty Pencil Costume
Sexy versions of actual occupations are one thing. I will accept a sexy teacher costume. But why on Earth do we need to make an inanimate, non-mammal thing sexy? Pencils are not sexy and they never should be made to look like such. However, this still isn’t as bad as other sexified things on the list.
10. Playboy Women’s Smoking Jacket and Bowtie
This costume is for the woman who wants to exploit other women in an overt misogynist way while still being objectified herself. Look, Hugh Hefner is dead and we don’t need to glorify his creepy aesthetic. If this was just a sexy suit or tuxedo, it would not be nearly as bad.
9. Sexy Scout Costume
Schoolgirl costumes too played out? Well, you can still get a creepy, “sexy” version of an outfit intended for a child with this sexy scout costume. Why do they keep making these gross things? Sadly, it isn’t higher on the list because I feel that this has become a standard “sexy” costume take.
8. Sergeant Short Pants Cop Costume
Anyone familiar with the show Reno 911! knows this costume is supposed to be Lieutenant Jim Dangle. But what bothers me is that those shorts are in no way short enough or tight enough to properly evoke the real Lt. Dangle. How is this costume less revealing than the source material?
7. Sexy Sherlock Costume
Sherlock Holmes has become a sexy figure in modern culture. Played by both Robert Downey Jr. and Benedict Cumberbatch in recent years, many people find the detective hot. But I don’t recall either of them wearing an outfit like this (if there is photographic evidence, please feel free to send it to me directly). Sherlock is such a great, instantly recognizable costume that’s excellent for a chilly October night of partying or trick-or-treating. Did we really have to take away any semblance of pants?
6. Riveting Darling Costume
Rosie the Riveter is already sexy. The feminist icon of women during World War II rolling up the sleeves on their made-for-men work shirts and getting the job done is hot. This costume is just trying way too hard. Adding insult to injury, It just goes against the message the actual Rosie stands for.
5. Men’s Pope Costume
Seriously, guys? This costume is under the “sexy” category on several Halloween costume websites. Not only is it just a Pope costume with zero cute cutouts, but why would the pope ever be considered sexy? The elderly male heads of oppressive religious regimes are the opposite of hot.
4. Fix It Sexy Plumber Costume
The plumber has long been derided as not being sexy. Even non-plumbers are worried about the dangers of the dreaded “plumber’s crack.” These costume designers decided it was time to reclaim the image of the plumber and make it sexy again, for some reason. They even cut out a bit on the back so you have perpetual crack showing. I have a feeling this outfit isn’t up to OSHA standards.
3. Sexy Cheerleader Top and Skirt
This may not be the most revealing costume on the list, but the cheerleader outfit is still terrible. Instead of having some basic team name or cheer slogan printed across the chest, it says “Daddy.” The description on the website said it will help you “cheer your partner on.” Moving on…
2. Playing Favorites Cowgirl Costume
Do you want to wear a costume inspired by a beloved Disney character, but don’t want to lose your sex appeal? Well, I don’t know why you want to combine those things. If you do, then maybe this disturbing and confusing Woody the Cowboy lookalike costume is for you. Personally, I think making anything from Toy Story sexy is awful.
1. Sexy Nightmare Costume
Have you ever watched Nightmare on Elm Street and thought, I want to see the sexy side of that child murderer Freddy Krueger? Neither have I, but apparently, someone has. Not only is this Freddy sexified, but it’s also a full-on naked Freddy with ALL of his burned skin on display. I have so many questions about this costume and yet I want none of them answered.
(featured image: Paramount Pictures)
