Woman’s boyfriend surprises her by making her house a smart home. Soon after, her life becomes a nightmare: ‘Make me look crazy’

With technology growing more advanced, homes are becoming increasingly “smart,” equipped with devices that automate everyday tasks. While this technology offers greater convenience, it can also introduce safety risks. That was the case for one woman in Connecticut, who alleged that her smart home was weaponized by her now-ex-boyfriend to stalk and upend her life.

A woman identified as “AM,” who works as a creative in the luxury retail, fashion, and beauty industry, said she had just returned home from a trip to Europe when the man she had been dating surprised her by upgrading her house into a smart home. At the time, AM was thrilled with the installation, as it allowed her to control her stereo speakers and lighting directly from her phone, per the NY Post.

AM’s life soon turned into something akin to a thriller after she broke up with her boyfriend. According to AM, her ex would utilize the smart home setup to interrupt her and her daughter’s everyday life—from dimming the lights at random times to switching off the television. “After the fact, I realized that I was 100% targeted,” AM told the outlet.

Woman says smart home misuse included more than flickering lights

The interruptions, however, didn’t end there. AM alleged that her ex-boyfriend escalated his behavior into stalking and claimed that he had installed GPS trackers inside her car using devices often used for luggage. AM said her ex was also able to gain access to her computer’s cloud storage, allowing him to keep tabs on people she contacts and track her online purchases, like airline tickets.

“He employed multiple apps that I didn’t even know existed,” AM said. “He also had people following me in other countries.” Her ex-boyfriend didn’t just stalk her movements, according to AM, but allegedly tried to mess with her work as well. A similar incident happened with a woman whose estranged husband allegedly used the Flock camera system to track her movements.

“He was trying to make me look crazy,” AM said. She noted that her ex-boyfriend had renamed her contacts, such as changing the name of a high-level creative director to that of her babysitter. She then accused her ex of trying to “destroy” her career by sabotaging her work connections.

The stalking and interruptions had become so severe that AM was forced to keep changing her devices, and said she was “now on my fourth iPhone” in an attempt to escape the harassment. Safe Harbor Advisory principal Steven Stern, who is in contact with AM, confirmed her devices contained invasive spyware. “The use of technology has become so sophisticated and almost impossible to defend against for a normal person,” Stern said.

Most abuse victims experience technology abuse

According to the Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, a survey found that 99.3% of abuse survivors have experienced technology-based abuse, while 85% of women globally have experienced or witnessed online violence. Hacking and stalking are also common, with 63% of women worldwide reporting such experiences.

Technology abuse is when a person—in this case, a romantic partner—utilizes technology as a way to exert control, power, and intimidate another person, per the Anti-Violence Project. Technology abuse isn’t limited to accessing a partner’s calls and texts; it can also include cyberstalking, harassment, doxing, location tracking, and the misuse of connected devices—such as repeatedly manipulating lights or using CCTV cameras to record or photograph someone without their consent, among other tactics.

WomensLaw suggests victims of technology abuse document the incidents in case they wish to pursue legal action, and change passwords, settings, or devices to remove the other person’s access. However, the organization advises those in serious cases whose physical well-being is at risk to seek help from domestic violence shelters or local programs to receive assistance in mapping out plans for a safe exit.

Meanwhile, AM had filed a report with Connecticut police. While her ex-boyfriend has yet to be arrested, officials are reportedly investigating the man. AM’s story is a lesson that advanced technology is infallible and can quickly get out of hand when misused. “He knew he could paralyze me and take me down,” she said. “He used to say, ‘Don’t f*** with me.’ I was scared. But I had no idea he could control me from afar.”

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) to reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline, or visit justice.gov/ovw/resources-victims-and-survivors for a list of additional resources.

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