Woman goes on work trip with male co-worker. Then he does something that makes her realize why her marriage ended: ‘Don’t believe it’

Spending time with others can be illuminating, especially when everything is not fine at home. Simple behaviors, from niceties to small talk, can reveal what’s truly missing in one’s life. For one woman, spending some time with a male co-worker was so illuminating that she processed her divorce and the lack of respect she received in her marriage.

AD (@alexisjean90) told her audience that it started with a work trip. In a video with more than 1.7 million views, she revealed how he taught her something healing that she brought home with her. It also made her note one of the reasons her marriage may have ended.

What happened on this work trip?

AD, who had already divorced her ex-husband, went on a work-related trip with a male co-worker. While there, she picked up on a few of his personality traits and characteristics.

“He’s, like, in his 50s, ex-military, um, 6’4″ tall guy. And, uh, for 48 hours, I watched the way that this man walked through the world with a woman next to him,” she said.

AD recalled that her co-worker always paused at doorways to motion for her to go ahead of him. He always kept track of where she was when they were walking to ensure that she was safe. When a man came up behind them, he would move so that he was closer to the man.

What did she realize about her marriage?

“ It wasn’t controlling. It was protective,” she said. “And that moment has stayed with me because this man has absolutely no romantic interest in me, and I have none in him … [But]  I felt more physically respected and protected by a male co-worker than I ever had felt inside my marriage.”

In her description, the content creator wrote, “Protection and possession were never the same thing. I just didn’t know the difference until I experienced it.”

Commenters share their own experiences

Commenters mentioned that there is a difference between men who like and respect women and men who hate women. Possession and overruling a woman’s opinion come with the latter. Guarding and proactive care, regardless of outcome, come with the former.

“A true gentleman is ALWAYS a gentleman, not just when they’re trying to get lucky,” one viewer said.

Another commenter added, “Men who actually like women do this naturally.”

Other viewers said that they thought what AD experienced with her co-worker was the bare minimum.

“I’m 53. I thought that behavior is just basic common decency. We were taught things like opening doors and walking with the woman on the inside as boys,” one commenter said.

@alexisjean90 Sometimes healing isn’t someone teaching you what you deserve. Sometimes it’s experiencing basic respect from someone who wants absolutely nothing from you… and realizing how long you lived without it. Protection and possession were never the same thing. I just didn’t know the difference until I experienced it. #HealingAfterDivorce #StartingOver #WomenSupportingWomen #ProtectiveMasculinity #HealthyMasculinity ♬ original sound – AD

Male and female friendship

On discussion threads and forums, many people see men with no female friends—friends that they’ve never had a romantic or sexual connection with—as red flags. On the flip side, being a gentleman is oftentimes praised and lauded by men and women alike.

Yet in AD’s comments section, many viewers cited a disappearance of gentlemanly behavior without strings. While viewers said that AD’s co-worker acted in the way a “man should act,” multiple women stated that a man treating them with basic respect seemed like a revelation rather than an expectation.

Men’s psychology explains why respect is often difficult to experience: toxic masculinity and “ownership.”

“Men in most societies have been raised on a quiet but persistent script: ‘a real man protects what’s his,’” it says. “The language alone — ‘his girl,’ ‘his woman,’ ‘taken’ — encodes ownership in ways most people no longer consciously notice. Movies reinforce it. Country songs reinforce it. The locker-room talk you grew up around reinforced it.”

The publication notes that men as a whole need to move away from that framing, lest it cause negative side effects such as irrational thinking, withdrawal, and controlling behavior. Yet, it’s often normalized in spaces such as the manosphere rather than discouraged.

The Mary Sue reached out to AD via TikTok direct message for comment.

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