Vancouver woman marries into a joint family, feels isolated, then 6 years later, she is no longer married: ‘id never not be overstimulated’
Marrying into a joint family can feel overwhelming for many women, especially if they haven’t lived in such a setting before marriage. However, in my opinion, women often overlook this aspect when marrying the love of their life. While some women might end up loving the experience after marriage, there’s also a significant chance that it can lead to problems and result in a bad outcome for everyone involved.
For Vancouver-based TikTok user @aleshahossain, her experience of living in a joint family, where she often felt isolated and believed she was being compared to other family members, especially the wives, ended with her divorce after six years of marriage. Though she didn’t specify the exact reason for her separation from her husband, based on her statements in her recently uploaded TikTok video, it’s likely that her decision was influenced by a combination of her experiences during that marriage.
TikTok user @aleshahossain had an unfavorable experience in her marriage
Just two days ago, Alesha Hossain uploaded a video to her TikTok account in which she recounted leaving her six-year marriage due to her experiences living in a joint family after marriage. She started strong, mentioning that her husband had five siblings and other family members, and almost all of them shared the same roof. She also pointed out that her husband did not have a good relationship with his siblings, which led to frequent fights, leaving her confused about what to do during those times. Alesha also states in her video that living with her in-laws felt like being in a polygamous relationship with her husband because he had to share many aspects of his life with others in the family, including wealth, time, resources, and attention.
Alesha Hossain also says in her TikTok video that she always felt like she was competing with other family members. She specifically mentions that when her brother-in-law got married, she felt like the family was constantly pitting her and her sister-in-law against each other, comparing them, and judging who was better. Recalling that experience, Alesha says in her video that sometimes she was the favorite, and other times her sister-in-law was. She remembers feeling confused, doubting herself, and feeling alienated to a large extent. She also recalls feeling neglected at times, with family members acting distant toward her and not checking in on her or her young kids for long periods. As mentioned earlier, Alesha eventually left that marriage, probably for the best.
@aleshahossain’s TikTok video has garnered immense traction
As of this writing, @aleshahossain’s TikTok video, where she discusses separating from her husband due to her experiences living in a joint family, has amassed over 24K views and thousands of shares and saves. It has also garnered more than 200 comments, with most people agreeing with her. Many shared that they wouldn’t have been able to handle if they were in @aleshahossain’s position. User @whatever.rani.a commented, “id never not be overstimulated.” User @aminahalikhan14 said, “I cannot imagine how hard it is to live with other people and you can’t even say anything to anyone. I mean we live with our own family but we’re comfortable we can say whatever but not to our inlaws.”
Many people also shared their experiences of encountering similar situations. User @skongepop_fareants wrote, “i felt like an NPC of the family. just walking around doing things in the background while they were main characters.” User @leeo24ad wrote, “my mental health got so much better after I finally moved out of the family household!”
What do women think of getting married into joint families?
On January 10, 2019, pjmhsonline.com published an article examining married women’s attitudes toward joint family systems. The study’s sample consisted of 30 married women from various areas of Lahore, aged 22 to 45. Of these women, 53% belonged to joint families, 33% had an income ranging from 20001 to 30000 rupees, 60% were employed, 40% had been married for less than five years, 56% were well-educated, 26% were living in joint families, and an equal percentage lived in nuclear families over the past five years.
Most participants believed that the joint family system has some advantages, such as helping with children’s upbringing (60%), providing better moral education (66%), offering improved child care (76%), sharing expenses (50%), creating opportunities for savings (53%), valuing their opinions (66%), and ranking life better in a nuclear setting (70%). However, they also pointed out some disadvantages, including increased conflicts and disputes (83%), interference from others (53%), higher stress levels in joint families (66%), exposure risks (56%), negative effects on the budget (70%), lack of independence (56%), and less time spent with the husband (60%).
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