cluvens gaming chair

This Scorpion Gaming Chair Will Haunt Your Nightmares

The Cluvens “Zero Gravity” Esports gaming chair was designed by Delia Deetz, we're assuming.
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In the millionth example of 2020 being entirely not okay, Cluvens has debuted their new “zero gravity” Esports chair, aka the scorpion chair. This straight up nightmare features a moveable “tail” which can support one ultra-wide monitor (49 inches) or three 27-inch curved monitors. The chair can also recline to 170 degrees in case you want the horizontal gaming experience. (FYI I will now be referring to any sexual activity as a “horizontal gaming experience.”) The Cluvens chair costs $3,299 but GOOD NEWS shipping is free in North America.

The chair is advertised as both a gaming rig and a workspace, but there’s no mention of its role in the upcoming robot uprising. Seriously, when the war between man and machine comes, these bastards will be the cavalry. The scorpion chair, which looks like it was designed by Catherine O’Hara’s character in Beetlejuice, has quickly captured the imagination of social media, with folks alternately coveting it and fearing it, and sometimes both.

And while there are plenty of pop culture parallels to be mined (J.P.’s rig from Grandma’s Boy, M.O.D.O.K., etc.) one strong similarity that I’ve noticed is its resemblance to those floating chairs in WALL-E. This thing is like the goth version of those space recliners that service your every need. Add a frothy drink maker to the chair and your feet may never need to touch the ground.

The future of gaming is here, and apparently it’s built to haunt our dreams.

The scorpion chair originally came with a companion frog ottoman, but stung and killed it during shipping. What do you think of this beast of a chair? Would you buy one if you could? Or do you, like me, fear its inevitable sentience and and world domination?

(via Nerdist, featured image: screencap/Bloomberg QuickTake: Now)

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Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.