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The Moon Has an Announcement …

The moon will join our coalition

So NASA decided to tweet out that the Moon had an announcement for us all next week, and I have some theories.

The official NASA statement about the announcement is as follows: “This new discovery contributes to NASA’s efforts to learn about the Moon in support of deep space exploration. Under NASA’s Artemis program, the agency will send the first woman and next man to the lunar surface in 2024 to prepare for our next giant leap – human exploration of Mars as early as the 2030s. Understanding the science of the Moon also helps piece together the broader history of the inner solar system.”

Honestly, GOOD. SEND THE FIRST WOMAN TO THE MOON. IT’S ABOUT TIME. NASA is far behind in their inclusion of female astronauts. We’re still getting the first woman to do things because … well, it’s just always been men, and I guess it does take a little while to actually go to the Moon or to other planets, but still, it shouldn’t have taken this long for a woman to get her chance. I’m excited to see who is going to be the first woman to set foot on the Moon!

So what is the actual announcement going to be? What have they discovered that will help us with future deep space exploration? Well, here’s what I’m thinking: The Moon is going to endorse Joe Biden. I mean, look, we know that the Moon is a woman and that the Moon is haunted, so why is it IMPROBABLE that she’d also want Joe Biden to be the next president of the United States?

But seriously, while the announcement is still a ways away, this is sort of a big deal. No one has been on the Moon since 1972 (three years after the initial moon landing. Yes, I know that because of the song from Even Stevens about how we went to the Moon in 1969, not 1968 but one year after).

There is a running theory, though, that the Moon is haunted, so maybe THAT’S what they’re announcing.

The problem with this, though, is that NASA often teases us about what’s to come. They get us all excited about space and then it’s like “we found .4% levels of trace water that’s probably left over from an exploration we did in the ’70s” or something, and while still cool because it movies science forward, it’s not exactly as immediately flashy as aliens or us all getting to travel to the Moon in our lifetime.

Even Chris Evans gets it.

Anyway, it’s probably all happening because the aliens told NASA that they’re on the way.

So what we’ve learned here today is that the first woman is going to get to walk on the Moon, I think she (the Moon) is going to vote for Joe Biden, and that the Moon is haunted. Maybe aliens.

(via NASA, image: NBC)

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Rachel is an I, Tonya stan who used to have a poster of Frank Sinatra on her wall as a kid. She loves superheroes, weird musicals, and wants Robert Downey Jr. to release a new album. She is Leslie Knope and she's okay with that. At least she gets to live in New York City though!