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Actual Reasons Why The Beguiled Will Be the Most Amazing Movie Ever

I feel compelled to tell you about Sofia Coppola’s new movie The Beguiled because it looks absolutely amazing. Based on the novel by Thomas P. Cullinan, the story centers on an all-girls school during the Civil War. Their harmonious dynamic changes when a wounded soldier shows up and charms all the women and girls. His presence incites jealousy, sexual tension and rivalries that lead to some unexpected events.

Trailers tend to do a bad job of explaining why a movie will be great, so I’m gonna break it down for you. Here are super serious reasons to see The Beguiled:

  1. There’s only one dude.  Men make up less than half the world’s population but take up 97% of screen time in film. To quote The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, “I’m no math major but this doesn’t add up.” This movie is a friendly reminder that guys are icky and you don’t need more than one.
  2. It was written and directed by Sofia Coppola. She’s a woman so that automatically makes it a good film. Never mind her previous works like The Virgin Suicides, Lost in Translation and Marie Antoinette. Just focus on her gender as an indicator of quality.
  3. DC movies suck. No, this has nothing to do with the film, but I still felt the need to say it since that’s our thing now.
  4. Wish fulfillment. Who cares if the women protagonists are doing terrible things to this terrible man. There nothing better than the simple joy of seeing seemingly meek women enact their revenge against an unsuspecting dude. Ah, it warms my cold, death, man-hating heart.

Seriously, though, this film looks really interesting. I’m all for films that take you in expected directions and I think this will be one of them. It stars Nicole Kidman, Colin Farrell and Kirsten Dunst, and heads to theaters on June 23. Will you go see it?

(image: screencap)

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