"[INSERT DISNEY-OWNED CHARACTER HERE], I am your father," by Gale Williams. (via io9)

The Family Circus, a cartoon known mostly for loving Jesus a whole lot and making the antics of surprisingly large dog Marmaduke seem edgy for the last thousand years, is getting its own movie. Before you ask, no, there is probably nothing you can do to stop it. The thing has been in development for a while, and now has actual writers, God have mercy on their souls. I think we can call this the official time of death on Hollywood having any decent or original ideas. In the interest of cribbing from old ideas that are actually good, it's time to take the whole industry out behind the barn and do the merciful thing. Why? Because Family Circus is the worst thing in the history of time. Not the worst newspaper strip. Not the worst work of art. The worst thing.