Allow Us to Explain
I don't know if you've heard, but yesterday there was a big announcement about the new cast of... Space Wars? Star Battle? Star Wars: Episode VII, that's it. I have a lot of feelings about the actors who were chosen, and I also have a lot of reaction gifs in my collection. Thus this guide was born.
What do I know them from? Boyega is the star of Attack the Block, one of my 13 independent sci-fi/fantasy movies you need to watch. It’s an amazing movie, and he’s amazing in it. Since that breakout role he hasn’t done much of anything, though he was heavily rumored for a role in Terminator: Genesis before it went to The Hunger Games’ Dayo Okeniyi instead. I guess now we know why. He also has a supporting role in the upcoming 24 TV show, 24: Live Another Day.
To paraphrase Attack the Block: John Boyega in Star Wars? There’s too much excitement to explain in one post! Suffice to say, Moses in a galaxy far far away:
Or, to less stoically express my emotions:
He's gonna be up against aliens, bruv!
What do I know them from? Probably nothing. Ridley is the newcomer of the group; her only credits up to this point are guest roles in British TV shows (including Mr. Selfridge), one short film, and an upcoming movie called Scrawl that stars other people you probably haven't heard of.
I have nothing to say about Ridley in particular, not having seen anything she's been in. I'm sure she's lovely.
But really, Star Wars? You announce six members of your main cast (not counting the holdovers from the original trilogy), and one of them is a woman? One?
What happened to that woman of color character we heard about? Or Lupita Nyong'o? There's still time to fix this, Disney. Go do that. Come back to me when you have a Star Wars movie with more than two women in it.
I should note that there is speculation that Disney's announcement wasn't of the entire Episode VII cast—that they released these names right after the deals had been signed to prevent the news getting leaked, basically. If true, we could very well still be looking at an announcement for an additional (or, dare I hope, several additional) female characters. This Sunday is Star Wars Day, after all. If there's a good day to make a major announcement, that'd be it. I'm not optimistic, but still:
What do I know them from? Movies where he has dots on his face.
So, which alien race is Serkis going to play?
Not a Gungan, please.
To be serious, though, assuming Serkis is playing a mo-cap character—which is fair, I think—good on Disney for getting the best in the business. It's not like they can't afford it.
Max von Sydow
What do I know them from? This would get waaaaay too long if I tried to list all of legendary Swedish actor Max von Sydow’s famous films. Let’s just say that von Sydow: Episode VII :: Christopher Lee : Episodes II and III.
It's reasonable to assume that von Sydow’s playing either a wise old mentor or, most likely, a distinguished old baddie, because with an Alec Guinness-shaped exception that's how Star Wars tends to role with its be-accented famous old dudes.
Christopher Plummer's still waiting on his phone call.
What do I know them from? Most of us probably saw Domhnall Gleeson (son of Brendan “Mad-Eye Moody” Gleeson) for the first time playing the werewolf-mauled Weasley son Bill in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows parts 1 and 2. Since then he’s popped up playing Ma-Ma's adorable resident techie in Dredd, the adorable lovelorn Levin in Joe Wright's Anna Karenina, and the male romanic lead in the time-travel romance About Time, in which he was, you guessed it, adorable.
How could I not want to see this cute fricker in Star Wars?
What do I know them from? Isaac was the lead in the Coen brothers' Inside Llewyn Davis, for which he was cruelly denied an Oscar nomination because the Academy just doesn't recognize quality sometimes. The rest of his roles are mostly supporting and include a standout turn in Drive, where he played Carey Mulligan’s you-think-he’s-going-to-be-a-stereotypical-asshole-con-but-he’s-actually-a-great-guy husband Standard. Also, IMDB tells me he played a character named Fartman.
That is all.
What do I know them from? Driver's best known for playing Hannah's goofball boyfriend on Girls, though he also had supporting turn in Inside Llewyn Davis as a goofball musician. Which makes the rumor that his Star Wars character is a villain a liiiiiitle weird.
Abrams. Adam Driver is in this movie. Oscar Isaac is in this movie. Was there no room for their Inside Llewyn Davis co-star Justin Timberlake?
Lightsaber In a Box musical number! Hop to it!
Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, and Kenny Baker
No explanation required.
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