Last night, a hero rose up in order to protect us from the insular dullness and anxiety that has gripped our world. His name is Seth Rogen, and he live-tweeted 2019’s Cats while very stoned. It was beautiful.
I’m pretty stoned and watching Cats. I’ve never seen the broadway show. It is truly trippy. Am I supposed to know what a Jellicle is? They’ve said it 200,000 times but I don’t know what’s happening haha.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) March 18, 2020
Now, I have seen Cars at a rowdy screening at the Alamo Drafthouse in NYC, and boy … even with a significant quantity of alcohol, that movie is terrible. What is most offensive about it is the amount of money that was put into something so poorly put together. Between the uncanny valley of the cats’ design, which leaves most of their feet looking strange (and, in the case of the Black actors, ashy), the decision to have Rebel Wilson’s scene be a dance number with child faces on tiny mice and roaches will haunt me until the day I die.
Rebel Wilson should be canceled for that sequence alone.
A budget of $80–100 million! And it only made money for, literally, the lolz.
What makes Rogen’s tweets so funny is just the cheer utter confusion of someone who’s been in the industry for decades wondering “How the f**k did this get made?” Still, his whole live-tweet managed to be funny, good-natured, and a good distraction of the impending doom all around us—so, like This Is the End, but with no rape jokes.
Here are some of my favorite bits:
WHAT IS JELLICLE?!,!?
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) March 18, 2020
Is the milk bar for humans??! For cats? Is this in Clockwork Orange world? Huh?
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) March 18, 2020
“Do it more like a cat!” – the director of cats. “You sure it’s not weird?” – actor in Cats. “Nah fam it’s fucking genius! People have loved this shit for decades! It’s perfect!”
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) March 18, 2020
Out of respect, I’ll leave Idris out of all this.
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) March 18, 2020
This is probably my favorite rowdy screening of Cats thus far, so if you’ve wanted some of the funny commentary, but don’t actually want to watch Cats, Seth Rogan has just given you the best experience you could ask for. Oh, and if you’ve noticed #ReleasetheButtholeCut trending, we have this Freaks and Geeks star to thank for that, as well, for starting that, once he was told that someone had to CGI the buttholes off of the cats in the film—yes, buttholes that were intentionally created with CGI in the first place.
Someone decided “Yes, CGI buttholes!” Then, later, someone else (or even the same person, who knows?) decided “No, we must remove the buttholes with additional CGI!”
Release the Butthole Cut of Cats!! https://t.co/C2VgPqSv1L
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) March 18, 2020
RELEASE THE BUTTHOLE CUT!
That edition of the film would truly be something that would actually make the film more interesting to watch. May it only be used for memes and gifs.
(image: Universal Pictures)
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