The Mary Sue

Nintendo of America Hires Doug Bowser as Sales VP (Really), Mario Reportedly Furious

"Doug Bowser. Of the Mushroom Kingdom Bowsers. How do you do?"


First we had the Koopalings. Then we had Bowser Jr. But that’s not enough Bowser spin-off characters for Nintendo. No, Nintendo of America has hired Doug Bowser as their VP of sales—perfectly positioning themselves for world domination. Don’t worry, they all knew the jokes were coming.

Bowser “will oversee a variety of sales-related functions, including Sales, In-store Merchandising, Retail Strategy and Retail Marketing” according to Nintendo’s press release. Nintendo product sales are expected to skyrocket as tactics change to kidnapping princesses, stealing stars, laying waste to all competition with fire breath.

But Nintendo got out ahead of our jokes with their tongue-in-cheek statement:

Hey, Bowser cleans up pretty good when it’s finally time to give up his childish dreams of becoming king of the world and get a job—a lot better than our last human Bowser, at least.


Thank you, Doug Bowser, for supplanting this memory.

Expect a sharp decline in Mario-themed products.

(via Jeremy Parish on Twitter)

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