McDonald's Hacks

McDonald’s New Hacked Menu Embraces Chaos

This is not the kind of hacking I learned from Angelina Jolie.

Have we as a culture become too enamored of hacks? In our endless quest for productivity and optimization, we’re hacking everything: our jobs, our diets, even our mental health. Nothing like furiously scrolling “Top Ten Mental Health Hacks” in the midst of a panic attack, am I right?

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Call it a casualty of living through late-stage capitalism, this endless drive to streamline our existence until we’re all smooth, aerodynamic human torpedoes hurtling through the universe. But not all hacks are alike, as we can see from McDonald’s Menu Hacks.

The fast food giant chose chaos with four new menu hacks available for a limited time. Beginning January 31, you can order the Hash Brown McMuffin, Crunchy Double, Surf + Turf, and Land, Air, & Sea Burger. The Hash Brown McMuffin is something many of us are already doing, namely sticking a hash brown into an Egg McMuffin sandwich.

But the other offerings among the Menu Hacks push the limits of common sense, mouth size, and intestinal fortitude. The Crunchy Double sees six McNuggets wedged into a double cheeseburger. The Surf+Turf is a Filet-O-Fish atop a double cheeseburger, and and the Land, Air, & Sea Burger is comprised of a Big Mac on a Filet-O-Fish on a McChicken sandwich.

“From Hip-Hop icons to Christmas queens, everyone has a unique go-to McDonald’s order, including our everyday customers. This campaign shows that it has never been ‘our menu’ — the menu belongs to our fans,” McDonald’s marketing VP Jennifer Healan said in a press statement. “We’re excited to celebrate them in a bigger way than ever before by putting their delicious hacks – as seen on social media – on our menus. I personally can’t wait for our fans to try my favorite hack, the Hash Brown McMuffin. IYKYK.”

I’m assuming the McChicken sandwich is the “Air” of the Air, Land, & Sea Burger, but chickens can’t fly, and neither will you after eating this behemoth of a sandwich, unless you’re flying directly into heart surgery. You have to hand it to McDonald’s for embracing a formula that Taco Bell has perfected. That formula, of course, is smashing every ingredient on the menu together in endless permutations like some sort of cheesy multiverse of foodstuffs. Taco Bell never met a menu item they couldn’t improve on by adding another shell or a layer of cheese. I mean, remember the glorious monstrosity that was the Mexican Pizza? Was that real or a collective delusion bought on by too many cinnamon twists?

Not since Kentucky Fried Chicken debuted the Famous Bowl has a fast food chain so thoroughly given up on humanity:

Many took to social media to express their excitement/dismay at these menu hacks:

Would you eat any of these Menu Hacks? Do you have your own menu hack? Let us know!

(featured image: MCDonald’s)

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Author
Image of Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.
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