Kurt Russell as Ego the Living Planet in Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2

Kurt Russell Is Santa Claus. That’s It. That’s All You Need to Know.

What is this movie? Does anyone know what The Christmas Chronicles is?

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**This article contains spoilers for Netflix’s The Christmas Chronicles. Please beware as we spread the Christmas cheer.**

Honestly, the only Santa Claus I will accept from here on out is Kurt Russell. When you’re trying to watch Netflix’s new holiday movie The Christmas Chronicles, you may realize that this probably isn’t a great movie. Are you going to cry? Yes, it has a lot of heart, but it also features monkey-looking elves flossing, so you take what you get.

Following the Pierce family, Teddy and Kate are spending their first Christmas without their father. Being a firefighter, he died in the line of duty, and Teddy and Kate have to deal with the holidays without their father, while their mother continually works at the hospital to make enough money for her family.

Sure, there are moments when you relate and want to cry, but we’re focusing on the only Santa Claus that’s ever mattered and ever will: Kurt Russell. That’s right, there’s a new Santa in town, and now, there’s no going back. Did you think that this movie was just going to be Kurt Russell dressed in a red suit being Kurt Russell about things? Well, by golly, you’re right! That’s exactly what it is.

And this movie also features an entire sequence where Santa is in jail and decides, to pass the time, to put on a rock concert just to keep himself and the other inmates entertained.

Not interested yet? What about Kurt Russell literally being Santa Claus in real life when the Santa at the mall was done for the day?

Maybe I love this movie so much just because I wish to go to the Hawn/Russell household in Colorado and read T’was the Night Before Christmas for Goldie, Kurt, Kate, and the rest of their family.

I won’t spoil the best part of the movie for you, though. Well, unless you scroll down past the following gif, that is, so be warned.

 

kurt russell insists hes real

 

Just what is the best part of The Christmas Chronicles though?

Mrs. Claus.

The entire movie, you only see Santa. He mentions Mrs. Claus, but she doesn’t show up but in the back of your mind, you are thinking of her and who would be the ideal Mrs. Klaus for Kurt Russell. And come on, the answer is so obvious that when it is revealed, you’ll be screaming on your couch going “I KNEW IT AND I AM SO HAPPY”.

YES. THAT’S RIGHT. MRS. CLAUS IS GOLDIE HAWN, BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE IS, WHO ELSE WOULD WE CAST AS KURT RUSSELL’S MRS. CLAUS? So maybe we just want Goldie and Kurt to adopt us all, take us to their ranch, and let us hear the sleigh bells on Christmas Eve.

If you haven’t yet watched The Christmas Chronicles, know that you’ll need to do so with an open heart. It’s a wild ride (literally, they crash Santa’s sleigh), but also one that will have you sobbing and wondering why you’re so invested in this movie. It’s probably because of Kurt Russell’s Santa, the only one that matters.

(image: Marvel Entertainment)

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Rachel Leishman
Rachel Leishman (She/Her) is an Assistant Editor at the Mary Sue. She's been a writer professionally since 2016 but was always obsessed with movies and television and writing about them growing up. A lover of Spider-Man and Wanda Maximoff's biggest defender, she has interests in all things nerdy and a cat named Benjamin Wyatt the cat. If you want to talk classic rock music or all things Harrison Ford, she's your girl but her interests span far and wide. Yes, she knows she looks like Florence Pugh. She has multiple podcasts, normally has opinions on any bit of pop culture, and can tell you can actors entire filmography off the top of her head. Her work at the Mary Sue often includes Star Wars, Marvel, DC, movie reviews, and interviews.