TikTok I’m not who you think I am anymore.
I’ve grown. I’ve changed. Like a caterpillar in chrysalis, I shall soon emerge from my cocoon and take to the skies as the beautiful butterfly that I was always meant to be. Or perhaps I shall be a wondrous mystery moth sailing through the velvet night. Whatever I am, I am not who I used to be.
So stop ACTING LIKE I AM.
Maybe I got a NEW HAIRCUT. Maybe I started GOING TO THE GYM. Maybe I STOPPED going to the gym because it’s BORING. Maybe I’m sick of being a sad girl and want to be seen as a BOSS BITCH. MAYBE I’m tired of being such a BOSS all the time and want to be a LITTLE SAD OKAY? Maybe my old username is a pun that I thought was funny but NO ONE ELSE DID. Maybe my username is a REALLY GOOD PUN but I’m such a comic genius that I thought of a BETTER ONE. Maybe I went on some sort of SPIRIT QUEST and have come to realize BEAUTIFUL TRANSCENDENTAL TRUTHS ABOUT EXISTENCE AND MY USERNAME DOES NOT REFLECT WHO I HAVE BECOME AFTER THIS ELDRITCH UNDERSTANDING.
Well good thing it’s easy.
How do you change your username on TikTok?
Open TikTok. Tap Profile at the bottom of the screen. Tap Edit Profile. Enter your new username. Tap Save.
AND NOW I AM NOT A MORTAL, BUT AN IMMORTAL QUEEN. A QUEEN AS BEAUTIFUL AND TERRIBLE AS THE MORNING AND NIGHT. MY USERNAME IS DADMILK622. TREMBLE BEFORE ME.
