TikTok, I don’t like shaking my ass for nobody.
Seriously, TikTok, I feel like a dancer in a small town skin joint working it at high noon for some coal miner’s grandpa who is about to fall asleep on the bar. I’m BETTER than this. If I’m going to HELP YOU by throwing ass and driving more eyes to your platform, then you have to HELP ME by cutting me a piece of that sweet, sweet eye pie. I want the ATTENTION.
Okay, so I did a lil’ research on you, just to get to know you better—so we can both feel more comfortable in our professional relationship—and from what I’ve found you like it when people post between the hours of 6am-10am and 7pm-11pm.
BUT-
See here’s the thing. Sometimes you’re a sneaky bastard. Because you MIGHT be showing me to WEIRDOS who only like to watch TikTok between the hours of 12am-1am and I would NEVER KNOW THAT without a little thing called TRIAL AND ERROR. And I HATE YOU for making me do something as SCIENTIFIC as making me HYPOTHESIZE when my viewers are MOST LIKELY to view my ASS and then TEST those hypotheses by posting at different times and then RECORDING MY DATA and then ANALYZING IT to see when indeed is the best time for me to POST. BASICALLY, you’re asking me to do a little bit of RESEARCH for myself because you’re saying what I was AFRAID you were going to say—that all audiences are DIFFERENT and may require DIFFERENT STRATEGIES that I have to find out FOR MYSELF but in the LONG RUN, will be MORE REWARDING than doing what SOME WRITER on the internet SAYS.
And I hate you for that.
Featured image credit: TikTok
