76-Year-Old Woman Posts Beautiful Ad for Haunted Sword, Give Her a TV Show Immediately

Serious offers only, please!

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Oh, God bless the Internet. Just check out the following Craigslist ad and its accompanying picture, please. (Bolding my own and out of love.)

This sword is from the 1700s. I got it at an antique store in my memaw’s home town back in 1984. The person who sold it to me told me to be careful because there is a 90+% chance that it is cursed. Since it’s been in my house my life has descended into pure chaos. My knitting group came over and they all said they could feel a strange energy in my sword room (I have a collection of over 100 swords. This is my only haunted sword). Since i got this sword, about 3 times a week a crucifix will fall off of my wall for no reason. I am 76 years old. I cannot have this cursed item in my house anymore. Please take it off my hands!!

Listen, everyone, don’t get the wrong idea about collecting ancient weaponry. Heck, this gal’s collected over 100 swords, and this is the first one possessed by the undead! I bet if she didn’t have a crucifix she’d never even have known the difference!

Incidentally, this is almost exactly how Joe Hill’s Heart Shaped Box begins. Any potential buyers looking to take that massive sword off that tiny woman’s hands better have a plan for how to deal with their new roommates. (Ghosts just can not stick to chore wheels.)

(Via io9)

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