Microsoft’s New Xbox One Marketing Ploy Is a Comically Large Xbox One

That's no moon...
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Microsoft’s weird marketing obsession with giant-size versions of their products has reached a new level of “why would you even do that?” They’ve erected a giant Xbox One in Vancouver, because apparently a regular Xbox One isn’t giant enough.

Earlier this month, they also erected a giant Surface tablet in London, but that was functional and had a working, giant keyboard to go with it. You could probably have at least done your best impression of Tom Hanks in Big, which is, of course, the appropriate response when seeing a giant keyboard of any kind.

The Xbox One is kind of a mystery, though, as it doesn’t seem to do much more than sit there being enormous.

This is apparently how Microsoft sees us. Sadly, they're not wrong.

This is apparently how Microsoft sees us. Sadly, they’re not wrong.

Straight is reporting that Microsoft representatives told them that the massive Xbox One replica will “unlock” if enough people “pledge their gamertag.” You can pledge right from your Xbox 360, which we’re assuming requires spilling some of your blood over your disc drive to please the angry spirit residing in the giant Xbox One.

We’re not sure if we should be afraid or excited to see what happens when it unlocks. Is it a mothership containing a bunch of other impractically large Microsoft devices? Does it open the doorway to some kind of Microsoft-themed Narnia where there’s no such thing as iOS? Does it transform into Megatron and lay waste to the city?

Perhaps its incredible mass causes the entire Earth to be sucked inside. If you want to find out, you’re going to have to pledge your gamertag. Alternately, you could save us all from certain doom by not pledging your gamertag. The choice is yours.

(via The Verge, image via Mika Ueno and Microsoft)

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Dan Van Winkle
Dan Van Winkle (he) is an editor and manager who has been working in digital media since 2013, first at now-defunct Geekosystem (RIP), and then at The Mary Sue starting in 2014, specializing in gaming, science, and technology. Outside of his professional experience, he has been active in video game modding and development as a hobby for many years. He lives in North Carolina with Lisa Brown (his wife) and Liz Lemon (their dog), both of whom are the best, and you will regret challenging him at Smash Bros.