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Quench Your Thirst With Flamin’ Hot Mountain Dew, the Way Satan Intended

Every day, we stray further from god.

Flamin Hot Dew

At the beginning of the week, I’d thought I’d seen it all with that watermelon pizza, but I guess Mountain Dew looked at that pizza and said, “Hold my Cheetos.”


Is this a made-up hot RPG drink that I consume so I can be immune to ice attacks for ten minutes?

Is this a YouTube challenge?

Is this … what IS this?!

I mean, sure, I have snacked with a variety of Cheetos—some puffed, some hot, all cheesy—and I have sipped a variety of Mountain Dew flavors.




The advertising campaign kinda slaps, though.

Honestly? If there’s any drink that should be, um, brave(???) enough to try this, it’s Mountain Dew. They continue to cycle through different flavors, seemingly on a whim, and some of them are pretty tasty.

That being said, I have no idea how you make something like Flamin’ Hot Cheetos drinkable. Hell, I’m not even sure you WANT to be able to drink something made to make you go:


You kinda need time to process the heat that’s hitting your tongue and the back of your throat, you know? The crunch of powdered hot cheese that gets on your fingers and you debate whether or not you should lick them clean (much to your tongue’s dismay) or wipe them off.

I feel like turning that experience into a drink is the very definition of flying too close to the Sun.

Also? This has kinda been tried before with Pepsi Fire.

Pepsi Fire was a cinnamon-flavored take on Pepsi that was meant to give it a bit of a spicy kick. I’ve actually tried it before and it was … okay? I couldn’t really come to a conclusion on whether or not I liked it, but I did decide that trying it once was enough. I dunno, something about “cold carbonated cola” and “cinnamon flavor like Big Red gum” just didn’t do much for me, so I’m not sure how successful this whole Mountain Dew venture will be.

Then again, Mountain Dew isn’t cola, so that could make all the difference.

Like, I don’t think it’s gonna actually taste like Cheetos, but I do think that it may, potentially, be a lot for your tummy to handle (unless if you need to get some sh*t out of your system).

So yeah.

Mountain Dew.

Flamin’ Hot Cheetos variant.

Coming exclusively to the Dew Store on August 31st.

What a way to end August, huh?

(Image: PepsiCo)

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Briana (she/her - bisexual) is trying her best to cosplay as a responsible adult. Her writing tends to focus on the importance of representation, whether it’s through her multiple book series or the pieces she writes. After de-transforming from her magical girl state, she indulges in an ever-growing pile of manga, marathons too much anime, and dedicates an embarrassing amount of time to her Animal Crossing pumpkin patch (it's Halloween forever, deal with it Nook)