the amazon blimp is coming for us all.

This Fake Drone-Spitting Amazon Blimp Is Here to Haunt Your Nightmares

The blimp may be fake, but the terror is real.
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This weekend, a video captured the imagination of the world with a dystopian harbinger of things to come. I’m talking, of course, about the Amazon blimp spewing out baby drones. Like the sentinels that leveled Genosha, these drones take to the sky like Parademons, swarming their local city with Brita filters, tube socks, and Corky Romano on Blu-ray. Let’s take a look:

It’s a pretty terrifying image, but we can all breathe a sigh of relief, because it’s FAKE. The video comes courtesy of Twitter user zozi009, a video production artist in Hiroshima, Japan. They quickly uploaded a video showing how they made their very convincing graphics:

HAHAHAHA VERY FUNNY ZOZI. But like all the best fakes, this video comes with a kernel of truth. The blimp is based on an actual patent that Amazon filed in 2014 for “aerial fulfillment centers“, basically unmanned sky warehouses that would float above events like festivals and concerts, releasing drones with orders.

Ah yes, a giant self-piloting blimp carrying foam fingers, Smart Water, and “Coachella 2030” t-shirts.What could possibly go wrong? After all, we can all agree that the Hindenburg’s main issue was pilots, am I right? (JK, I know it was hydrogen and I know that blimps no longer use hydrogen, don’t @ me, blimp nerds).

Also, why in the year of our lord 2019 have we not been able to improve on a blimp? Where’s our Helicarrier or invisible plane already?! (yes, all of my aviation equipment knowledge comes from comics). What kind of steam punk bullshit is this modern blimp movement all about?!

On a more serious note, if Blimps R’ Us is the future, what does that mean for workers? The blimp and the drones are self-piloted, as are re-stocking air crafts, which can carry more supplies, drones, and human workers. But are humans now obsolete? We already know that the biggest threat to the future workforce is automation.

And then, of course, there’s the whole privacy issue. Do we really want drones flying to our front door to deliver our Fruit of the Loom multipack of undies? After all, you don’t have to be Ron Swanson to be concerned about these things.

ron swanson shoots down a drone in parks and recreation.

(image: NBC)

It looks like we’re still a ways away from the Amazon blimp becoming a reality. In the meantime, your move, supermarket robot obelisk!

(via Gizmodo, image: screencap)

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Chelsea Steiner
Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. An pop culture journalist since 2012, her work has appeared on Autostraddle, AfterEllen, and more. Her beats include queer popular culture, film, television, republican clownery, and the unwavering belief that 'The Long Kiss Goodnight' is the greatest movie ever made. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband, 2 sons, and one poorly behaved rescue dog. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.