Even though it’s incredibly hard to take anti-vaxxer nepobaby Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. seriously as a person, let alone a politician, we simply must. After all, the 2016 election taught us that America is always hanging by a precarious thread between a qualified grown-up who maybe doesn’t align one hundred percent with your own personal values and a monster who would strip this country down and sell it for parts to the highest bidder while taking away your civil rights and liberties for funsies because such is the state of the American political system.
Look, third-party candidates for President are a joke. You can yell at me all you want about how they shouldn’t be, but let’s be real. A viable third-party candidate has only ever siphoned off votes from a Democrat or a Republican presidential candidate, and if you don’t believe me, go get out your OUJI board and commune with George H.W. Bush and Ross Perot.
Obviously, my first inclination, as I am a woman of refined tastes and sensibilities, is to want to point and laugh that the fartin’ candidate has crapped out of the Democratic race, and has announced that he is instead breaking wind as an Independent option. (I am, of course, referencing how Kennedy ended a press dinner by loudly farting, and I’m sorry, that is objectively hilarious and always will be.)
Kennedy made the announcement in Philadelphia, and try as I might, I could not make a hilarious reference to how the City of Brotherly Love was the first city in America to have a sewer, to tie it all back to flatulence. Alas, that distinction belongs to either Chicago or Brooklyn depending on who you believe, but I digress. Per CNN:
“I’m here to declare myself an independent candidate for president of the United States,” Kennedy said in remarks in Philadelphia.
Kennedy’s announcement comes after several weeks of speculation about his future in the 2024 field. CNN previously reported Kennedy met with the chair of the Libertarian Party earlier this year to discuss their common beliefs. And last week, a super PAC supporting Kennedy’s presidential campaign released the results of a poll they conducted testing Kennedy’s strength in a hypothetical three-way race between Biden and former President Donald Trump.
Look. The guy sucks. He has terrible views, particularly on abortion and vaccines, and in general, he seems to be in this merely for his own ego rather than a desire to help lead and govern this country. The fact that he was failing miserably in the polls as a Democratic candidate in the primary, and instead of taking that as a sign that perhaps no one but people named Robert F. Kennedy Jr. wants him anywhere near the White House, decides to run in the general election as a third party candidate tells you everything you need to know about this guy. At best, this is a delusional grift that could harm America irrevocably as a byproduct; at its worst, it’s a narcissistic grift that is aimed to intentionally help get the GOP back in the White House. Per the above source:
Kennedy’s campaign as an independent could further complicate a general election race that’s already expected to be closely contested. A Reuters/Ipsos poll of a hypothetical three-way race between Biden, Trump and Kennedy conducted last week among likely voters found 14% of voters supported Kennedy, with 40% supporting Trump and 38% supporting Biden. With over a year until the general election, it’s unclear whether the Kennedy campaign can translate that level of support into votes in November 2024.
Yep, that’s right. In at least one poll, mentioned above, Kennedy pulled three percentage points from Biden, and two from Trump when he became a third-party candidate, compared to a hypothetical third-party candidate. This is dangerous. Not in the sense that this weirdo is anywhere near being a viable candidate for getting elected to the position. (If you’re reading this in the future and he did get elected, I merely hope the roving bands of cannibals that descended upon America once we devolved into a fascist state and society completely broke down killed me quickly, and that you all still have working toilets and power, my friends. I’m sorry we failed you.) He is, however, entirely capable of siphoning off enough votes to get the presumed GOP nominee Donald Trump elected. It’s so dangerous that his other siblings are coming out against the move. Per CNN:
Some of his siblings issued a joint statement on Monday, calling his decision to run against Biden in a general election “dangerous to our country.”
“Bobby might share the same name as our father, but he does not share the same values, vision or judgment. Today’s announcement is deeply saddening for us. We denounce his candidacy and believe it to be perilous for our country, ” Rory Kennedy, Kerry Kennedy, Joseph P Kennedy II and Kathleen Kennedy Townsend said in a statement.
As a reminder, this man has never held public office before. He’s a lawyer and radio host. He’s also just a rich guy with family connections obviously running on the power and prestige that his father, Robert Kennedy, a former viable candidate for the Democrats in the ’60s, and his uncle, John F. Kennedy, who actually was President, formerly had. However, it’s not the 1960s anymore.
It’s sheer self-absorption and blatant disregard for the precarious state of our Democracy that’s powering him right now. It’s dangerous. As much as I want to laugh at this fool and write him off entirely for his shambolic campaign, and yes, obviously the farting, it would be stupid of me. Dare I say, it would be Robert F. Kennedy Jr.-esque.
Kennedy couldn’t hack it as a Democratic candidate, and now, rather than taking his toys and going home, he’s sticking around to siphon off more votes. The only question is: Who will they be from?
(Photo by Jessica Kourkounis/Getty Images)
