Total No-Maj Blames Dumbledore for America’s Downfall, Makes Plans to Go Sit in Some Manure

At the National Religious Liberties Conference over the weekend, Reverend Kevin Swanson took a page from the early-2000s and raged against the corruptive influence of Harry Potter, condemning Albus Dumbledore in particular.

Swanson urged the U S of A to “repent that Dumbledore emerged as a homosexual mentor for Harry Potter.” Perhaps sensing that his material was a little dated, he also advised audiences to repent, lest they be smited, “That Hiccup’s mentor in How to Train Your Dragon emerged as a homosexual himself.”

Should you doubt his credibility, Swanson went on to explain what he would do if his own son wanted to get Dumbledore-married:

Sons are rebelling, hanging out with homosexuals and getting married. And the parents are invited. What would you do if that was the case?

Here’s what I would do. I’d sit in cow manure and I’d spread it all over my body. That’s what I would do. And I’m not kidding. I’m not laughing.

I’m grieving. I’m mourning! I’m pointing out the problem!

He has a point, my fellow Americans. Why would we trust Albus “death is but the next great adventure” Dumbledore over Kevin “I’d sit in cow manure and I’d spread it all over my body” Swanson? Guess it’s time to make America straight and stinky again.

(via Mediaite)

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