Anthony Mackie is right that masculinity has died, just not in the way you think

Anthony Mackie recently alleged that masculinity has died over the years, and he’s right, but it’s important to clarify he’s talking about real masculinity, not toxic masculinity.

Usually, when a man starts bemoaning that “masculinity” is under attack or dead, it serves as a preamble to a conservative rant about how supporting and giving visibility to marginalized groups or calling out male violence and misogyny is somehow preventing men from being men. Unfortunately, the toxic version of masculinity that conservatives promote has been elevated to the point that people don’t understand there’s a difference between masculinity and toxic masculinity. A lot of people have trouble discussing “masculinity” at all, even in a healthy manner, because conservatives have eroded the word so much that people automatically fear that statements like “masculinity is dead” are a sort of dog whistle for misogynists.

However, Mackie’s recent statement about masculinity and how he’s raising his boys reminds us that masculinity doesn’t have to be toxic.

Anthony Mackie describes what masculinity really is

Recently, Mackie appeared on The Pivot podcast, where he talked about raising his sons to be men as he fears masculinity is declining. He stated, “In the past 20 years, we’ve been living through the death of the American male. They have literally killed masculinity in our home and our communities for one reason or another.” I’ll admit that the statement made me nervous because of how often people associate progress and acceptance with the “death of the American male.” However, he goes on to describe how he teaches his boys to be men, and his statement makes a lot more sense. He explained:

My boys will always be respectful. They will always say, ‘Yes, sir, yes, ma’am.’ They will always say, ‘Thank you.’ They will always open a door for a lady. They will always make sure their mother is taken care of and provided for.

Mackie goes on to explain his high standards for his boys. He doesn’t stand for any “internet fly” stuff and warns his sons, “Do not let me catch you being stupid.” He requires them to be humble, saying he’s not the type of father to buy his son Jordans or give them things they haven’t earned. Mackie related how his 15-year-old takes charge when he’s gone. He must look out for his siblings, ensure the doors are locked, and call to report to his father before bed and first thing in the morning that everyone in the house is safe and cared for. Additionally, Mackie acknowledges that this type of masculinity–being respectful, humble, and living up to high standards–isn’t what “American masculinity” is anymore.

If one really considers what Mackie’s saying, they’ll see it’s not controversial. He’s not saying that his boys have to be “alpha males” or that there’s only one way for them to be masculine. Instead, he’s simplifying the concept of “masculinity.” Instead of describing it as this strict set of behaviors and attributes, he largely seems to see masculinity merely as the difference between being a “boy” and being a “man.” He’s preparing his sons to be men, not by forcing them to adhere to a strict idea of manhood, but simply by preparing them to be adults. He’s preparing them to have responsibilities, live up to expectations, be respectful, not be stupid, be carers, protect, and provide – and he’s actually correct that this type of masculinity is dying.

The real way that society is hurting manhood is by not letting boys grow up. They’re increasingly being encouraged to remain boys and expect constant coddling, spoiling, and excuses from society. For example, the country is banning “DEI” and diverse books to cater to men who are threatened by the acknowledgment that people besides them exist and excusing male temper tantrums because of the “male loneliness epidemic.” Conservative podcast hosts and news hosts have no problem bragging about not having basic life skills, like knowing how to do laundry or grocery shopping. Then, they try to brainwash other boys that not acting like an adult is a “flex” and “real manliness.”

I think a lot of male anger is the result of men having nothing to work for anymore and the fact that no one expects anything from them anymore. They’re told that being men will get them everything they want in life instead of having someone like Mackie tell them that they’re going to work for everything they want and, if they want to call themselves “men,” then they’re going to earn that title by growing up first, learning respect, and living up to high expectations.

We shouldn’t raise men to put all their worth on being providers or protectors, but I agree with Mackie that not instilling any pride in men for being able to care about, protect, and serve others has hurt masculinity. Mackie also highlights that men don’t have to be married and the sole providers to be protectors and “the man of the house.” They can assume the same role as a 15-year-old boy looking out for his mother and siblings. His version of the “man of the house” isn’t this role that relies on the man having some kind of power and demanding its respect; it’s as simple as a man tasking himself with locking the doors at night and just having the smallest sense of duty to those around him.