Oklahoma Woman’s Uncle Passed Away When She Was Young. She Wouldn’t Find Out Why Until Much Later: ‘I Love You. Happy Pride’

Most families have that one relative they avoid talking about. For Ree Grummond (@reegrummond), one of those stories involved her Uncle Buddy, who died when she was young. Years later, she discovered that the explanation she had been given was not true. To commemorate Uncle Buddy, Grummond posted a tribute on TikTok to honor him during Pride Month.

“I was told Uncle Buddy had taken his own life,” Grummond said on her TikTok video. She was creating a memorial quilt for her deceased uncle. “I learned the truth when I found his death certificate many years later. I was heartbroken,” Grummond revealed. Her Uncle Buddy had AIDS, and the family kept the truth under wraps. It’s unclear why, but there had been a strong stigma surrounding the disease in the ’80s. The disease disproportionately affects gay and bisexual individuals, which only further amplified the fear around these severely misunderstood groups.

Advancements in medicine during the mid-’90s helped reduce the stigma of the disease. But even then, there was little understanding for the LGBTQ+ people at the time. Individuals were othered by society and shunned by their families. Perhaps in Grummond’s case, her Uncle Buddy’s disease had been a source of shame for their family.

Honoring Uncle Buddy through the AIDS Memorial Quilt

The AIDS Memorial Quilt commemorates the AIDS pandemic, and it honors the generation lost to the disease. It is currently considered the largest community art project in history, with at least 50,000 panels dedicated to 110,000 people on the tapestry.

Grummond said that she searched for Buddy on the AIDS memorial quilt, and she did not find his name. This is why she intends to sew a memorial quilt for him—it’s so that she could contribute his story to the tapestry. She ironed one photo of her Uncle Buddy holding the family dog on the quilt and another of him as a young man.

“I’m making his panel for the AIDS quilt so Uncle Buddy will be memorialized forever, correctly,” she said. Grummond added, “I’m sorry I didn’t know you, Uncle Buddy, but I do now. I will always remember you. I’ll always remember you. You deserve sunshine.” She wrote, “I love you. Happy Pride.” Even though Uncle Buddy couldn’t see her message, TikTok users can. Many have expressed support, and others have even shared their stories.

Commemorating the fallen on Pride Month

A TikTok user who has a similar experience with Grummond said, “My dad died from AIDS the same year—my grandmother wrote in his obituary that it was cancer. I was 14.” Another one shared, “I have a great uncle that was kicked out of my family in the 70’s, there’s a grave in San Francisco somewhere with his name on it, and it makes me cry thinking that none of us have visited it. It’s my life’s goal to find it and give him his flowers that he always deserved.”

It seems that tragically, shunning family members is not an uncommon experience for those who contracted the disease. But other social media users were moved, with some choosing to talk about the support they’d received from their loved ones. One man wrote, “My abuelo’s brother died from it in ’86, and no one spoke about him until I came out in 2013. The first time I’d ever heard anything about him was my abuelo telling me I wasn’t alone and then how he missed his brother.”

An elderly gay man commented, “As an elder gay/survivor, I can not tell you how deeply moved I am that someone of your generation would honor your uncle this way. So many of my peers had no family when they needed them most. I love you.” Grummond’s tribute reframes Buddy’s story not as something to hide, but as a life to remember. There’s no better way to celebrate Pride.

(featured images: Ree Grummond)

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