The Texas GOP is clearly sweating as Beto O’Rourke’s polling numbers inch ever closer to incumbent senator/dorky vampire Ted Cruz. Since it’s hard to attack O’Rourke on his policies (which include immigrant rights, comprehensive gun control and decriminalizing marijuana, to name a few), the GOP is now digging up dirt on O’Rourke’s past. In a tweet today, they made fun of O’Rourke’s past as a guitarist and bassist for hardcore punk band Foss.
Maybe Beto can’t debate Ted Cruz because he already had plans… pic.twitter.com/LdqKTh3yK4
— Texas GOP (@TexasGOP) August 28, 2018
In the photo, O’Rourke is wearing a dress and giving us smokey Ethan Hawke in Reality Bites realness. Congratulations Texas GOP, you’ve just enhanced everyone’s crush on Beto times infinity. And what exactly is the GOP arguing against here anyway? That Beto was a young man who loved music and had friends? That’s not how trolling works. It would be like me driving by my enemy’s house with a megaphone shouting “you have flawless bone structure and the wit of Carrie Fisher.” (Sidebar: if you do in fact have flawless bone structure and the wit of Carrie Fisher, call me).
The Texas GOP quickly saw their tweet having the opposite effect, and tried to course correct by (what else) smearing those darn libs.
Based on the reaction to our tweets we can confirm that Beto is in fact going to receive 100% of the vote from Buzzfeed contributors, out of state liberals, and people who use the word “rad.” We feel very owned :'(
— Texas GOP (@TexasGOP) August 29, 2018
It’s pretty bold of the GOP to come down on Beto so hard for his punk days, considering that Ted Cruz spent his youth as a mime.
Is Ted Cruz really trying to scare voters with pictures from Beto’s band days when there are pictures of him out there as a mime? pic.twitter.com/waHTLM1fi5
— Schooley (@Rschooley) August 29, 2018
But not just any old mime, dear readers. Ted Cruz was a biblical mime. A BIBLICAL MIME. Is that even a thing? I have so many questions. This is like a bad middle school production of The Warriors.
TIL learned that Ted Cruz was not just a mime, but a…..Biblical mime.
This is him playing the role of Adam “acting out the creating in a mime.” https://t.co/Vvpn1kWGCh
— Robert Maguire (@RobertMaguire_) August 29, 2018
Every election is filled with tough choices, but not this one. The Mary Sue would like to formally endorse Punk Rock Beto over Bible Mime Ted Cruz. After all, we’ve all heard of Rock the Vote, but has anyone heard of Mime the Vote? I rest my case.
(via Huffington Post, image: Chris Covatta/Getty Images)
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