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Your Stupid Minds! Stupid! Stupid!

Take Cover: A Michael Bay-Produced Remake Of Hitchcock’s The Birds Is Happening

It could be the most terrifying motion picture ever made! 

If, like us, this is the first you’re hearing about this particular project, we’re sorry. We’re so, so sorry.

Platinum Dunes (Michael Bay’s company) and Mandalay Pictures are producing a remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds for Universal. The 1963 classic starred Tippi Hedren and Rod Taylor. The Hollywood Reporter says, “Naomi Watts has been loosely attached to star in the film for years, but her involvement is script-dependent.

 Jonathan Herman penned the most recent version of the screenplay.”

But don’t worry, at least Bay isn’t directing this one. That job looks to be going to Dutch director Diederik Van Rooijen.

This isn’t the first time one of Hitchcock’s films has been remade but it isn’t any less depressing. THR also adds, “In the past, the studio has stressed that the redo will owe more to the Daphne du Maurier short story than the Hitchcock version based on it.”

Watts would be a great choice for the lead role but this is one I won’t be looking forward to.

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  • Anonymous

    “It’s the end of the world.”

  • Mike Chen

    I have a feeling that Birdemic — the Z-movie no-budget “remake” — will be better than Michael Bay’s big-budget version.

  • Janna

    Spoiler alert: this time, the birds explode.

  • Mike Chen

    Explode while trying to dodge a barrage of laser fire.

  • Patrick Denny

    [OPEN: A murder of crows, backlit by a sunset, fly slo-mo across the sky as Aerosmith plays in the background]

    [Cut To: Female lead, crawling over the hood of a HumVee, cleaning bird-poop off the windshield]

  • Samuel

    At the very least there will be hundreds of exploding jets when birds fly into their intake.

  • JustPlainSomething

    It’s not like that hasn’t been done before.

  • JustPlainSomething

    Pffffffft … it’s been done.

  • Anonymous

    Personally, I would like the movie to just be this scene from Birdemic.

  • Anonymous

    Platinum Dunes gave us the Texas Chainsaw Massacre & Friday the 13th remakes (both of which I liked) – so I’ll wait until I see the Birds remake before passing judgement

  • Laura Truxillo


  • frodobatmanvader

    Yeah, what she said.

  • Margaret

    I just threw up a little in my mouth.

  • Melynda

    You beat me to it.

  • SKB

    TCM wasn’t that bad, I passed on Friday the 13th.

  • Pink Apocalypse

    Yes, two average, passable remakes. They also gave us the absolutely horrible Amityville Horror and even more absolutely horrible Nightmare on Elm Street remakes.

    In other words, arbitrary cash-grab remakes are their modus operandi.

    I’m gonna go ahead and pass judgement now.

  • Jamie Jeans

    Yeah, considering how Hitchcock emotionally tortured the lead actress and then blacklisted her because she wouldn’t have sex with him, I dunno how to feel about a Michael Bay remake of this…

  • Anonymous


  • Lien

    *hold self, starts crying in bed*
    Why… Just why… why ruin a classic…

  • Lien

    [in mini shorts]

  • Amanda

    [her low-cut top inches upward to reveal the lean muscles of her stomach.]

    [Cut To: Female lead's chest, pressing against the tight confines of her white, Aerosmith t-shirt.]

  • Anonymous

    I’ve seen gifs of real birds wielding knives. Maybe he can borrow that concept and kick it up to ridiculous levels. Groups of birds wielding chainsaws, maybe. OR SHARKS. YES. EVIL BIRDS DROPPING SHARKS ONTO AN UNWITTING PUBLIC. (Sharknado? What’s that? Never heard of it.)

  • Not So Young Democrat

    so the birds will have lasers on their wings huh?

  • Anonymous

    He’s probably looking to stay as close to Hitchcock’s directorial vision as possible, and get with Watts.

    This whole idea saddens me greatly. :(

  • Pamela

    [cut to: Female lead's face. She's wearing glasses because she's smart AND sexy.]

  • Anonymous

    Well, there’s hardly a film of Hitch’s oeuvre that hasn’t been remade and you know what? They all sucked.

    Because it were never the stories that made the movies so great. It was the Hitchcock touch that Hitch gave to any project he did choose.

    Concerning the birds: It already had a sequel and a remake but you probably never heard of them because… well… they sucked of course.

  • Saraquill

    I’m hoping Bay stubs his toe rather hard.

  • Jamie Jeans

    Michael Bay handling ANYTHING makes us all sad. Ninja Turtles, anyone? ;p

  • Amanda

    [Cut To: Female lead slides off the hood of her HumVee.]

    [Camera pans down to Female Lead's feet. She's sporting leather, knee-high boots that scream bad-ass chick.]

    [Camera slowly pans up the length of Megan Fox's Female Lead's naked legs.]

    [Cut to: Female Lead getting behind the wheel of the HumVee, tossing the dirty rag used to clean the windshield onto the floor of the passenger seat.]

    [Pan to: a dog-eared copy of War and Peace sitting on the passenger seat. This emphasizes that Female Lead is not only bad-ass, but intelligent]

    [The beginning sounds of Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like a Lady," plays on the radio. Female Lead turns up the volume and pulls back onto the highway, stirring up a cloud of dust in her wake.]

    [Cut to: The dust dissipating and a murder of crows sitting in wait on the branches of a nearby tree.]

  • Alexa

    Wasn’t this already done and it involved characters hanging out with their family or something.

  • Jeremy

    First they’ll transform into vehicles… then explode.

  • Gary Keyes

    ahem…NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Thank you.

  • odango atama

    Scared. Very scared … cause I can totally see this happening … and my stomach hurts.

  • Anonymous

    Middle finger. a thousand middle fingers.

  • Jennifer

    Pffft, you all forgot the sweat glistening off of said exposed parts, since she’s cleaning or something. And it’s sunset, because its always sunset in Bayland. And the male lead has to gawking at her while she does this, just in case we’re not sure if she’s sexy yet.

  • Anonymous

    how do we put a stop to this?