Look, I’m really excited for the new Star Wars movie too, but those new lightsabers are kind of overkill. pic.twitter.com/Xn7A4eMpT8
— Brian Altano (@agentbizzle) November 28, 2014
By now we’re guessing all of you have sat down and watched the Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer that dropped on iTunes today. Think back to those glorious 88 seconds. What was your reaction when the Sith Lord unleashed his (or her, shhhhh let me dream it was Lupita) lightsaber and it looked like… well, this?
(via Imgur)
Yup, the reactions to the new cross-bladed lightsaber run the gamut; on the one hand, it looks like an awesome scifi broadsword, and a crossguard makes a cursory amount of sense for protecting your thumbs against other lightsabers. On the other hand, as the master bladesmith that the Washington Post has already interviewed tells us, there’s a reason crossguards on actual swords aren’t also made of blades, which is that having those near your thumbs is a bad idea in the first place.
On the other other hand, we’re talking about a fictional sword made out of impossible light plasma from a science fantasy franchise that heavily features the use of telekinesis to solve your problems. So maybe let’s all keep things in perspective, here.
But regardless what position you take in #sabergate (oh God wait no please don’t start using that, even ironically, I’m sorry I even came up with it what have I done), you have to admit that poking fun at Star Wars is a time honored American tradition, and one that the Internet has thrust itself into with great aplomb:
Toward a theory of lightsaber blade inflation: pic.twitter.com/TUh1yLB9wF
— Forrest Wickman (@ForrestW) November 28, 2014
Wouldn’t it be amazing if that Sith lightsabre is a fakeout and he actually DOES accidentally stab himself right at the start of the movie.
— Hello Tailor (@Hello_Tailor) November 28, 2014
— Tim Maly (@doingitwrong) November 28, 2014
list of new
star war lightsabers: • cross lightsaber • lightsaber in L-shape • squiggley noodley lightsaber • lightsaber gun (??) • dog
— jomny sun (@jonnysun) November 28, 2014
tl;dr pic.twitter.com/NnqU3bsj5J
— tc (@chillmage) November 28, 2014
(Whoops, so much for the handguard theory—unless it’s made of resistant cortosis material?)
Who doesn’t love a comically impractical lightsaber? pic.twitter.com/LDyviHwhnt
— Fred Malmhake (@_FredMalm) November 28, 2014
Confirmed by @BryanFuller: @NBCHannibal S3 will PROBABLY feature #Hannibal carving people up with a lightsaber. pic.twitter.com/7QpuDmsldy
— Sweet Patelto Pie (@ghostwritingcow) November 28, 2014
OK, for Episode VIII? The new lightsaber innovation? _Basket_ hilt. Think about it. That one’s free. #StarWars pic.twitter.com/HCNVOJSsSS
— John Bowman (@johnbowman) November 28, 2014
“Who are you mysterious Sith Lord” *takes off hood* *whole head is a Lightsaber*
— Noelle Stevenson (@Gingerhazing) November 28, 2014
we all know they made up that silly lightsaber to do a scene like this, right? http://t.co/6U5WrsM6aX pic.twitter.com/h6qbkwCTCJ
— Dominik Johann (@zerstoerer) November 28, 2014
And my personal favorite,
Whoa that new light saber design is amazing. pic.twitter.com/yYWPwjXJQ1
— Greg Wissinger (@gwiss) November 28, 2014
I don’t think I’m speaking out of turn when I say that the general Mary Sue staff consensus appears to be somewhere on the “it looks neat” to “who cares if it’s implausible YOU’RE IMPLAUSIBLE” spectrum. What do you think?
- Watch The Star Wars: The Force Awakens Trailer Right Here
- 10 Things You Need For Your Dream Star Wars Kitchen
- How People Reacted To The Phantom Menace Trailer In 1998
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