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You know nothing Jon Snow

A Campaign For Game of Thrones’ Catelyn Stark To Be The Next U.S. Secretary Of State

Hillary Clinton has officially stepped down as America’s Secretary of State and while former Sen. John Kerry has already been tapped as her replacement, a new contendor has entered the ring. Or should I say, game. See, someone has decided Lady Catelyn Stark (née Tully), Lady of Winterfell, would make a much better candidate. Find out why after the jump. 

The letter was written for fan-site HBO Watch by contributor Jonathan R. Meyers. Not to be confused with actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers, which many have done.

It reads as follows (we’ve covered what we believe to be the only real spoiler for the upcoming third season):

Dear President Barack H. Obama, The Second of His Name, King of the Anglos, Lord of the Fifty States, Protector of the Realm:

Congratulations on your recent reelection and inauguration to a second term as President of the United States. Great challenges await you and your new administration, many of which are emanating from foreign lands requiring someone of honor and experience to serve as your advisor and emissary. It is that need which compels me to write to you and put forth the name of Catelyn Stark to serve as your Secretary of State. Lady Stark possesses the personal qualities and demonstrates the experience necessary to represent you in this prestigious position as supreme diplomat for the realm.

It is known throughout the lands that your original favor fell to Lady Susan Rice but was scuttled by Bannermen loyal to Lord McConnell. Consider that Lady Stark would fulfill your original intent by following in the footsteps of esteemed Lady Secretaries of State such as Madeleine Albright and Hillary Clinton.

Now far be it from me to denigrate the honor of your newest choice, John Kerry. Indeed Lord Kerry served valiantly in the Vietnam War; however it must be said that he was notably absent from Robert’s Rebellion which liberated Westeros from the dictator Aerys II. And though Lord Kerry’s tenure on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee has been lengthy, one must wonder why he has failed to secure a position on the King’s Small Council.

Lady Catelyn Stark is inarguably a superior candidate for Secretary of State. She is a highborn Lady of the Riverlands and lives the motto of her house: Family, Duty, Honor; coveted principles all for any of your high counselors. While many high lords only talk of family values, Lady Stark takes action as she did with her young son when protecting his mind from viewing an execution, nurturing his spirit after he was crippled from a fall, and shielding his body from an assassin’s blade. A commitment to duty also guides Catelyn Stark. For the good of the realm, she abandoned her misgivings about her husband’s appointment to Hand, left her youngest sons to warn of a foreign plot, and attended to urgent matters of war and peace rather than be with her own dying father. Her honor is a thread that weaves through her every thought and deed, and she is a woman who takes her vows and those of others as a sacred pledge to the living, to the old gods, and to the new. A woman whose very purpose is family, duty, and honor would make an exceptional Secretary of State.

Beyond her admirable character, Catelyn Stark has the experience required to serve as Secretary of State. The principal role of one granted this venerable position in our government is to be an advisor on foreign matters. Additionally, the Secretary serves as an ambassador to external powers, and takes part in high ranking negotiations to forge agreements and treaties. Obviously, such tasks require a not insignificant amount of travel, to which Lady Stark, having been raised in the Riverlands, resided in Winterfell, and relocated to King’s Landing, is no stranger.

On one such trip, Catelyn Stark demonstrated quick strategic thinking, the rallying of allies and the kind of use of smart power advocated by Lady Clinton. Whilst pausing from her travel at the Inn at the Crossroads, Lady Stark encountered a known member of the Lannister leadership. By appealing to family and cultural familiarities, she immediately summoned the loyalty of local swordsmen to seize Tyrion Lannister. Though she could have ordered his execution, she instead relied on extraordinary rendition — a tempered response that respected due process and the King’s Justice. Additionally, she disseminated misinformation to lead hostile forces astray so as to avoid confrontation while transporting her prisoner. Such clever use of stealth, coordination of allies, and decisive but measured action would have made Lady Stark another valued team member during your glorious night time raid on Abbottabad.

Now further contemplate the experience Lady Stark has as an advisor. She has provided wise counsel to and had influence on the Hand of the King, and is a key confidant of her eldest son Robb, the King in the North. Furthermore, she has long been serving as an ambassador, in deeds if not in name. Evaluate, if you will, her brave pilgrimage to secure a peace with Lord Renly Baratheon. Assuming the role purely out of duty, she traveled to Lord Renly’s camp in foreign lands and declared, “I come as envoy from my son, Robb Stark, the King in the North, to treat with Renly”. Through forceful yet wise words, her reason won over Lord Renly and an alliance was established — precisely the duties of Secretary of State.

But her determination and skills at negotiation have extended to other parts of the realm. I speak of the Twins, a crossing controlled by a man, Walder Frey, of little honor and even less allegiance, yet required for the army of Robb Stark to attack the Lannister host. Though use of force was briefly considered, Catelyn Stark, at considerable personal risk, volunteered to directly approach Walder Frey and negotiate for safe passage. After suppressing her disgust at his lechery and disloyalty, Lady Stark ascertained what is of value to him and struck an agreement that secured the crossing so indispensible for the planned military strike. Again Catelyn Stark ventured forth to insist on a high level meeting with a semi-hostile power, and through pure diplomacy and compromise, achieved her foreign policy goals. With Lady Stark representing you as Secretary of State, our drones will be free to roam the air-space of friend and foe alike.

Perhaps her most ambitious efforts that further establish her unparalleled credentials, involved coordinating yet another meeting between rival foreign leaders to negotiate a treaty- Catelyn Stark’s attempt to broker peace between Stannis Baratheon and Renly Baratheon. At this parley, which Lady Stark convinced Lord Renly to attend, she appealed to the brothers to recognize their common heritage, minimized the difference between their gods, and most compellingly, she declared “We three share a common foe who would destroy us all.” Lady Stark’s tenacity and ability to align interests would make her a valuable asset in the most difficult Middle East negotiations.

Even after this meeting, Catelyn Stark made a final plea to Lord Renly to join with Stannis to publicize Lannister crimes and hold free and fair elections among the Lords of Westeros. Perhaps this last proposal would have succeeded were it not for the horrific assassination of Lord Renly Baratheon by forces as yet unknown (I am aware that the little birds of the CIA have implicated Iran).

In a world that is dark and full or terrors, we need a woman’s courage. So please Mr. President, The Second of His Name, King of the Anglos, Lord of the Fifty States, Protector of the Realm, consider the personal integrity, the mettle, and the vast diplomatic experience exhibited by Lady Catelyn Stark and nominate her to be the next Secretary of State.

Jonathan R. Meyers, The First of His Name, Citizen of the Fifty States, Contributor to HBOWatch

What do you think, does Meyers make a good case for Lady Stark? In other news, I think I’m going to start giving myself a 4-title name on all posts.

(via Geeks Are Sexy)

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  • Kate Holloway

    Dear Mr. Meyers,
    We’ve read Books III-V. No fucking way.
    President Obama

  • Anna Sophia May

    At first I thought that it meant the actress.. upon reading the letter I was torn between wild glee and shock ( Awesome Shock. I need a blanket.)
    This is too much. It’s wonderful. Oh gosh.

  • Rick McDowell

    About these petitions we geeks keep submiting:

    I don’t mean to sound like a troll. Really, I don’t. But the “online petition” thing has been cheapened to the point of wholesale, because of petitions like this, and the Alex Jones stupidity that happened a few weeks ago.

    I thought it was hilarious when a Cracked editor submited a petition for law-enforcement personal called “Judges” that served as “Lawman, Judge, Jury and Executioner, all in one”. I got the 2000 A.D. references, and we had a good laugh with that.

    Next thing you know, somebody is petitioning for the construction of a Death Star. Sure, again, its pretty funny. But we have to think about what that says about us as a culture. Our government is currently “policing” other nations with unmanned drones, bombing and killing innocent people. Children, mind you. And, in our pop-culture obsesed furor, we petition our government to construct a fictionalized weapon of mass destruction, that was constructed by an intergalactic empire in a science fiction series, who were intentionally modled after the Nazis because it legitimixed them that much more as the bad guys.

    As much of a geek as I am, I am also an informed voter, and understand the importance of voicing our collective concerns and interests, in the hopes of building a better democracy. I take the days issues on a case-by-case basis, regardless of party-affiliated spin, and try to develop my own ethical agreement on a key issue. When the online petition was created, it was out of hopes that people who otherwise don’t posess the time, resources, finance, or man-power that many special interest organizations have, could put forth ideas that others with online access might support, and come to the attention of various figureheads of state, and create legitimate dialouge within government about key issues affecting U.S. Citizens. Now, whenever I pay the site a visit, a majority of the petitions being submited, revolve around silliness like Peter Parker being reinstated as Spider-Man, or adding Latveria as the 52st State of the Union, or researching and developing the wrist-mounted Pred-Nuke.

    Again, its not that petitions of these calliber aren’t funny. What it boils down to is, if these are a majority of the kinds of petitions being submited, what does that honestly say about a large demographic of citizens in this country? I would like to think that we are more involved with our political system beyond trolling it with an election nod for a charecter from George R. R. Martin’s “A Song of Ice & Fire” books, and what-not. And, yes, I understand folks are just trying to have fun with the system. But here’s a more novel approach: instead of trying to build spaceships and elect officials that will never take place, why don’t we look at the various moral debates and polcies that make what we love in our sci-fi/comics/fantasy, and figure out if implementing those positives in our current day-to-day moral dealings would generally improve our country, for the better? Maybe even see it become a standard practiced throughout the world?

    Just a thought…

  • Jill Pantozzi

    Not to burst your bubble but this isn’t an online petition or real petition. It really is a joke.

  • Rachel’ghul


  • John Wao

    I say thee nay.

    Verily the people of the North have forgotten Lady Stark’s poor judgement in her dealings with the Kingslayer.

    A prisoner of high importance and worth his weight in gold dragons.

    A prisoner of both the North and the Riverlands Lady Stark took it upon herself to release him the dungeons of Riverrun. Why? Because the death of her sons Bran and Rickon Stark caused her to lose her sanity.

    Is this the kind of leadership we want advising our Liege Lord?

    Again I say thee nay. Lady Stark. Wrong for Secretary of State. Wrong for United States.

    Paid for by the committee for Petyr Baelish for State Secretary.

  • Anonymous

    As a fellow Rachel, I have to note that your screen name made me spit-take. That’s brilliant, and I kind of wish I’d thought of it.

  • Anonymous

    Why can I not upvote this comment approximately eleventy-thousand times? Because frankly, Secretary Stoneheart would scare the crap out of me.

  • Xerox In Four Parts

    I say thee that if Lady Stark had been in control from the start, the Kingslayer would’ve been traded before her son the King Robb ever plunged the nation into a protracted war. Instead they migh have prospered in relative abundance just as the Vale has been able to.

    Had the liege lord listened to the lady’s advice from the start, enemy agents would not be able to use her daughters, the king Robb’s sisters, as pawns in their own suits to claim the crown of the northern kingdom themselves. A short-range tactical error vs. a long-range strategy of wisdom and life-preserving measures leaves Lady Stark in the position of one of the few figures near any executive power that possess the best values and foresight, combined with her other tactical successes.