Wait, what?

Looks like you came here from Geekosystem. Don't worry, everything is still here. We've just combined forces with The Mary Sue to bring you more and better content, all in one place.

Burglar Invades Old Lady’s House Only to Find She’s a Competitive Axe-Thrower


Robyn Irvine chased off a thief from her California home this week, presumably because the intruder did not know she was a competitive axe-thrower who keeps an axe at her bedside.

Irvine told CBS Los Angeles that she’d been asleep with her cat when she felt someone trying to take off her watch, and so she reached for her axe, which, I repeat, she apparently keeps near her at all times.

He froze at first. I shocked him with my voice and then he took off. There was no way I catch him but I could’ve thrown. That’ll paralyze him. All I have to do is hit his spine.

Ok, Ms. Irvine, I have officially upgraded you from awesome to awesome and terrifying. Police arrested Nicholas Uolla on suspicion of the crime, after finding several of Ms. Irvine’s belongings in his possession. Irvine, however, says that there was more than one person in her house, rummaging through her kitchen and urns containing her parents’ ashes. She’s been the victim of unsuccessful burglary attempts before, but this is the first to have actually entered her house.

So, burglars. Don’t enter her house. Also I have now gotten through this entire post without mentioning the awesomeness of dwarf women, a considerable testament to my willpower.

(unrelated top pic via Flickr, story via Neatorama.)

Filed Under |

© 2015 The Mary Sue   |   About UsAdvertiseNewsletterJobsContributorsComment PolicyPrivacyUser AgreementDisclaimerContact RSS

Dan Abrams, Founder
  1. Mediaite
  2. The Mary Sue
  3. Styleite
  4. The Braiser
  5. SportsGrid
  6. Gossip Cop