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Donald Trump’s New Campaign Slogan “MAGAGA” Has Me Choke-Laughing On My Tea

Donald Trump frowns while looking at his cell phone


Y’all I cannot make this shit up. No, I’m not making baby noises. No, I’m not having a stroke. No, this is not some sort of thinly veiled Lady Gaga reference. This is The Dump’s ACTUAL CAMPAIGN SLOGAN. And it’s PERFECT. I don’t care what is stands for, because it tells me EVERYTHING that I need to know already.

MAGAGA sounds like the noise that a baby would make if it go dropped on its head one too many times. And I can’t think of a more fitting metaphor for the mental landscape of Trump himself! He is a man-child. We know this. He’s whiny, self-obsessed, petulant, and cruel in the way that only spoiled little rich kids can be. He’s Joffery Lannister all grown up. He has not even a SHRED of self-awareness. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have even picked this asinine acronym to represent him just as he wouldn’t have used “Do You Hear The People Sing?” from Les Misérables to ANNOUNCE said campaign with his recent speech in the gilded abyss of Mar-A-Lago. IT’S A SONG ABOUT COMMON PEOPLE RISING UP AGAINST THE RICH AND POWERFUL. AND GUESS WHICH ONE HE IS.

Okay What Does “MAGAGA” Even Mean?

I literally can’t type this without laughing.

It means “Make America Great And Glorious Again”.

Like WHAT? This sounds like something straight out of the Civil War! Which, honestly isn’t that far off from the culture war that he’s spent his entire political career trying to provoke. But “glorious”? The word seems too holy, too sanctified, too advanced to even be in this asshole’s vocabulary. For one, this seems like a word WAY above his third-grade reading level. And even that isn’t being fair to third graders. For two, when has Trump ever done ANYTHING glorious? When has he EVER done something that is remotely “exalted” or “divine”? This man certainly doesn’t believe in any sort of “higher power” beyond himself. I’m sure that the only thing this man-baby thinks is “glorious” are the shits he takes in his gold-plated toilet.

See, I was really hoping that the slogan would stand for “Make America Great Again Great Again”. It’s equally sophomoric but would at least show a little self-awareness. His “Make America Great Again” campaign failed, just as he failed to make America anything more than “icky” at best. At least with a slogan like this, it would be self-referential to that fact. His last campaign was a bust, but with YOUR HELP he could make MAGA itself “great again”! At least this way it doesn’t pretend to be for the benefit of the nation. It’s all for the benefit of his branding.

But you know, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe this is all a huge feint to court ANOTHER media superstar for his campaign. Maybe he wants this person to run as his Vice President. Who could I mean? Why, Lady Gaga of course! If there’s one “glorious” god that Trump worships, it’s the god called “celebrity”. I’m sure Trump would be thrilled to dance around to “Born This Way” at one of his monster truck campaign rallies, totally unaware that the song is about gay people. In fact, I hope that Gaga says yes and uses her music catalog to troll him ENDLESSLY. She could sink him before he even makes it to the primaries! She could rewrite the intro to “Bad Romance” to “RA RA MAGAGA! ROMA MAGAGA!” and make Trump sing it while prancing around in a sequined diaper. “Donny, baby, you’ll look great! The people will love you! You’ll be a star!” I can imagine her saying it now, and I can imagine his piggy little eyes lighting up at the prospect of enhancing whatever shred of “celebrity” he has left. He’ll dance around, he’ll even sing along! All the while, people will be laughing. And he’ll laugh too, totally unaware of the fact that people are laughing at him and not with him.

And wouldn’t THAT be great and glorious?

(Featured image: Alex Wong/Getty Images)

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Jack Doyle (they/them) is actually nine choirs of biblically accurate angels in crammed into one pair of $10 overalls. They have been writing articles for nerds on the internet for less than a year now. They really like anime. Like... REALLY like it. Like you know those annoying little kids that will only eat hotdogs and chicken fingers? They're like that... but with anime. It's starting to get sad.