There’s an old saying, “You can’t just walk back in.” It’s not an official rule, of course, but try disappearing from someone’s life for six years and see how well it works. That’s what happened in a AITA Reddit post that struck a nerve, especially for those who have experienced abandonment.
This was no mistake
The story is simple, yet painfully familiar. A young woman (18) shared that her mother left when she was 12 after marrying a man who didn’t want her in contact with her ex-husband. Instead of fighting for visitation, she let it happen. Now, freshly divorced, the mother has resurfaced, hoping to reconnect.
Things were already awkward, but it took a turn when Mom decided to critique the book her daughter was reading. “You’re too young to be reading these toxic romance books,” she said, completely ignoring the fact that her daughter was, in fact, an adult. The reply? “I was 12 when you disappeared six years ago. I’m 18 now.”
The room must have been silent
Her mother, predictably, protested. She called it a “mistake” and felt that the word “disappeared” was too harsh. But, let’s be real, what else do you call it? Walking away for over half your child’s formative years, choosing a new spouse over them, and only returning when convenient? That’s not just an absence. That’s abandonment.
Reddit agreed, with one particularly striking comment summing it up perfectly: “NTA. Accepting any criticism or correction from a parent who has abandoned you from 12 to 18 would be difficult. You’ve learned to grow up without her and don’t need her showing up now trying to mother you. That ship sailed, piloted by her … She can’t demand anything from you; it will have to be earned for you to believe in her at all again.”
The cost of walking away
As someone who has been in a similar situation, I can say with certainty, that you don’t just step back into someone’s life as if nothing happened. Relationships aren’t time capsules. You miss the birthdays, the heartbreaks, the small moments that shape a person into who they become. When you come back, you don’t get to act like you have authority.
The biggest takeaway here? The daughter owes her mother nothing. Reconnection, if it happens, has to be on the daughter’s terms. It can’t be a demand. It can’t be an expectation. Trust is earned, and it’s not an overnight process.
To reconnect, or not?
Some people, even after abandonment, crave a relationship with their lost parent. Others feel absolutely no desire for it, and both are valid. If the daughter wants to try, it should be slow, deliberate, and completely at her pace. If she doesn’t? That’s okay, too.
For those in a similar situation, here are some possible ways to navigate it: If you’re unsure about your feelings, therapy can help process them! A parent who left does not get automatic authority. If you do reconnect, set clear limits. Have honest communication; if you need an apology or space, say it. The parent has to hear it. Never forget that you don’t owe anyone a relationship. You don’t have to give chances. Your well-being comes first.
The verdict
One of the most painful things about parental abandonment is that it forces a child to grow up without a safety net. This daughter learned to live without her mother. She became someone her mother doesn’t know, and that’s on the mother.
So, when Mom criticizes her book choices, it’s not just about the book. It’s about the years she wasn’t there. It’s about the assumption that she can walk back in and be Mom like nothing happened.
But time moves forward. And sometimes, ships don’t turn back. OP is NTA!
Published: Feb 2, 2025 09:05 am