As I look at this Amazon listing featuring the “Oscar Mayer Bologna Hydrogel Sheet Face Mask” I don’t ask myself, “My GOD, what have they done?” Instead, I ask, “What took them so long to get silly with their perfectly face-shaped bologna?”
We just made the bologna mask from your childhood a real thing. New Oscar Mayer® Bologna Face Mask, now on Amazon. https://t.co/kShh0QWc0G #KeepItOscar
— Oscar Mayer (@oscarmayer) January 19, 2022
I dunno, once you see Arby’s making vodka you steel yourself for anything when it comes to seeing products that look like they belong in a Spencer’s. That being said, I don’t remember ever using bologna as a face mask as a kid, but I’m sure I’ll get a call from my mom to confirm or deny what I did as a 5-year-old.
It’s an actual beauty product
Oscar Mayer’s face mask (which was sold out until recently) might look like bologna, but that’s the only similarity it has to the sandwich meat. I’m actually surprised it isn’t infused with some sort of bologna perfume to mimic the smell of my favorite meat to have in my Lunchables (besides the pizza ones), but according to the description on Amazon, it has all the components of a face mask meant to rejuvenate your skin.
The bologna part is purely for aesthetics and inducing, quote, “Unparalleled serotonin surges and a prolific amount of selfies.”
I will say, I do adore how much they’re embracing the ridiculousness of this item via their descriptions of it.
- Oscar Mayer Bologna Hydrogel Sheet Face Mask
- Our bologna has a nickname and it’s B-E-A-U-T-Y. No, this sheet mask is not real bologna. Put it on your face, not your sandwich
- Witch Hazel Botanical and seaweed-derived ingredients protect and hydrate. Collagens lock in moisture and promote skin elasticity. Bologna-design induces unparalleled serotonin surges and a prolific amount of selfies
- Treat yo’self. Meat yo’self. Or better yet, give the gift of bologna bliss to others. Nothing says “I love you” like a slice of self-care
- Remember: You can’t spell delightful without deli.
You can’t spell delightful without deli? A slice of self-care? Someone clearly had a lot of fun writing up the product details here, right down to telling customers to put it on your face, not your sandwich.
What do the reviews say?
Reviews on Amazon, so far, are high, save for one that’s really upset over the fact that you can’t eat the bologna. I’m not sure why anyone would wanna spend five dollars on an edible, single slice of Oscar Mayer bologna when you can get a whole pack for less, but I suppose it’s for the novelty of having a bologna face mask that you can, I dunno, combine with cheese, lettuce, and tomato after it rests on your skin for twenty minutes?
I expected the reviews to be full of jokes because, you know, Oscar Mayer’s new nickname is B-E-A-U-T-Y. The jokes are what take up most of the reviews, some going so far as to admit that they don’t even care if the face mask works, they just think it’s a fun gift (and, yeah, it is). However, there’s a review that actually praises the mask for being a good product!
So it works and is a good fit for your face? This might actually be worth a shot for five bucks… assuming it doesn’t sell out again.
What are your thoughts on Oscar Mayer entering the skincare arena? More importantly, did you ever use their bologna as a face mask when you were a kid? For the life of me, I can’t remember if I did or not, but as someone who, apparently, gave her Teddy Ruxpin water because I thought he was thirsty, I probably did put bologna on my face.
(Image: NBC/Oscar Mayer)
Want more stories like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!
—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, but is not limited to, personal insults toward anyone, hate speech, and trolling.—
