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John Oliver Details a Tongue-In-Cheek List of All the Things America Missed out on by Declaring Independence

You'll be back, time will tell.

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver is off this week for July 4th, but John Oliver still took a few moments to expound on all the things Americans could have at our disposal if we hadn’t declared independence from the British Empire in 1776. For instance, John Oliver’s own “beautiful vowel sounds” could have been ours, but instead we’re stuck with an American twang which, let’s be real, is pretty difficult to romanticize.

Declaring independence from Britain also revoked our rights to wear velvet bowler hats with the same authority as people in England, and robbed us of eating meat pies on the regular. Perhaps most significantly, though, our independence means that generations of Americans haven’t experienced the pessimism that John Oliver believes is intrinsic to the British people.

On the flip side, independence from Britain did bring us Hamilton, which I’ll take over meat pies and bowler hats any day. USA! USA! USA! USA! (Independence probably robbed us of any sense of natural modesty, too.)

(via Laughing Squid)

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