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Is TikTok Shutting Down?

TikTok, are you breaking up with me?

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So that’s it? After all those years of talking to you? All those years of telling you my hopes and my dreams? All those years of laughing with you? Crying with you? Going viral with you? All those years of shaking my ass for you to whatever pop song you want to see me dance to? All those years of staying up late, fighting to stay awake and watch you because I wanted to BE THERE FOR YOU? Because I wanted to be YOUR ONE AND ONLY! ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT ALL MEANT NOTHING TO YOU!?!?!?!!

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!!!

*throws phone out the window*

TIK TOK HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!? I WAS THERE FOR YOU FROM THE BEGINNING. FROM THE VERY BEGINNING. I BELIEVED IN YOU WHEN YOU WERE STILL JUST A SHITTY LITTLE APP LIVING IN YOUR MOTHER’S BASEMENT. THEY SAID THAT YOU WOULD NEVER CATCH ON. THAT YOU COULD NEVER BE BIGGER THAN FACEBOOK OR INSTAGRAM. BUT I KNEW THAT YOU WERE SPECIAL. AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU THOUGHT I WAS SPECIAL TOO. BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG. I GUESS YOU’RE TOO GOOD FOR ME NOW. I GUESS YOU THINK YOU CAN THINK YOU CAN JUST WALK AWAY AND LEAVE OUR VIDEO CHILDREN WITHOUT A PARENT. I GUESS—

Wait what? You’re not shutting down? That was just a rumor? Wait how did that even start?

….

Donald Trump … are you serious? He wanted to shut you down when his was still president? And the rumor stuck?

Omg.

Babe.

I’M SO SORRY. I’M SUCH A SILLY BITCH. BUT THAT’S WHY YOU LOVE ME RIGHT? THAT’S WHAT MAKES US SO GOOD TOGETHER RIGHT? I KNEW YOU WOULD NEVER LEAVE ME. I ALWAYS KNEW. YOU KNOW I CAN GET A LITTLE UNHINGED SOMETIMES, BUT I’LL BE BETTER. I PROMISE. JUST DON’T EVER LEAVE ME.

Featured image: TikTok


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Jack Doyle
Jack Doyle (they/them) is actually nine choirs of biblically accurate angels crammed into one pair of $10 overalls. They have been writing articles for nerds on the internet for less than a year now. They really like anime. Like... REALLY like it. Like you know those annoying little kids that will only eat hotdogs and chicken fingers? They're like that... but with anime. It's starting to get sad.