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Is ‘Black Adam’ On HBO Max?

I need Dwayne, and I need Dwayne NOW

black adam is a rock showcase

Someone tell me right now if Black Adam is on HBO Max, or I’m gonna blow this place sky high.

I’ll do it! I WILL. I don’t care what the critics say. I am willing to DIE for this superhero I have only recently heard of! DON’T COME NEAR ME. I’VE GOT THE DETONATOR IN MY HAND, AND I INTEND TO PUSH THE BIG RED BUTTON UNLESS SOMEONE TELLS ME RIGHT NOW.

What’s that sound I hear? I know an FBI chopper when I hear one. It’s likely a highly trained hostage negotiator trying to talk me down. Well, I will not be talked down unless he GIVES ME HIS HBO MAX PASSWORD RIGHT NOW. IF NO ONE IS GONNA TELL ME, THEN I’LL FIND OUT FOR MYSELF.

I hear him talking right now through the megaphone. He says, “Black Adam is on HBO Max. I will give you my password. Just let the hostages go.”

I don’t believe him. PROVE IT.

What’s this? He just sent me a link to the HBO Max website. It says that all I need to do is “sign up,” and I can watch Black Adam whenever I want. Sorry officer, I know a fake CIA-designed website when I see one. YOU’RE PULLING MY LEG, AREN’T YOU!? I’m not falling for it.

I hear the SWAT teams coming up the stairs now. They’re breaking down the door! OH GOD, THEY JUST FLEW A FLASHBANG. I’M BLIND ,AND I’M NOW DICTATING THIS ARTICLE DIRECTLY INTO SIRI. SHE’LL SAVE ME. WON’T SHE?

I’m currently being pinned down! I’m handcuffed! It’s a little kinky?

What did you say? It really is on HBO Max? Oh thank God.

So … you fellas wanna watch Black Adam, or …?

(Featured image: DC)

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