There is a Twitter account dedicated to the AITA (“Am I the Asshole?”) Reddit that lets users ask … well, whether they are the asshole in a given situation or not. The problem? Most of the time, the situations are infuriating one way or another (not to mention that some of them are fake stories designed to be just that).
This time around, a 29-year-old man decided to write in about a vacation that he took with his family and girlfriend. His girlfriend, who is a teacher and makes less than 50k a year, doesn’t have the amount of expendable income that he does while making 150k a year and coming from a family that is well off, and the price tag they thought was reasonable for that vacation—and all the meals and activities therein—was a bit higher than she could handle.
Though she worked a weekend job to save up just to go on the trip, it wound up still not being enough money to keep up with the expensive tastes of the man and his family, and he somehow attributed her skipping meals and forgoing activities to her possibly having an “eating disorder” instead of recognizing that his girlfriend, couldn’t afford all the expensive things that his family indulged in.
Here’s the full post for your reading (dis)pleasure:
AITA for inviting my (29M) Girlfriend (28F) on an expensive vacation and expecting her to pay all of her share? (I make a lot more than her) https://t.co/bFad8kfOIV pic.twitter.com/UEhi991yMk
— Am I the Asshole? (@AITA_reddit) June 28, 2021
Hello. My girlfriend, myself, my parents, and my brother and his wife all went on vacation in another country a week ago. My brother and I were the ones who did most of the planning of the itinerary although we did ask everyone else for input. For background, I make around $150,000k as an IT consultant, my girlfriend is a teacher making $45,000k. My parents are pretty affluent as well as my brother and sister in law.
My girlfriend knew this trip was coming up and took on a second job waitressing on the weekends for several months to get ready for it. We have always split things 50/50 in the 2 years we have been together. There were a few times on the vacation when she did not go on outings with us- wine tasting/scuba diving/etc. She also would only eat 2 meals a day, simply stating that she was on a budget. My family does favor more high-end (*expensive*) places. My parents thought it was very strange that she only eats 2 meals a day although normally she eats 3.
When we got home I asked her why she skipped out on several of the outings and only ate 2 meals a day- I mentioned how I heard her stomach growling one night and said I was concerned about her having an eating disorder. She got teary eyed and said that 3 meals a day wasn’t fiscally feasible for her and neither were the outings that she chose not to go on (she went on 3 of 6 outings). She said she was not expecting everything to cost so much and she was overwhelmed.
She also said she doesn’t know if this is going to work long term if she is expected to go on vacations like that with people who make so much more than her. I feel bad that I did not pick up on her discomfort sooner. But we did agree to split everything 50/50 and I don’t know why she agreed to come if the cost was an issue.
Now, if you’re like me, you’re just furious that this man could be so dense. Not only is it rude of him and his family to assume there was something going on with this girl not eating three meals a day—that can be triggering for people, especially if they struggle with food—but in this case, the boyfriend knew she was working incredibly hard to even come on the vacation and knew how much she made in a year.
Not angry enough? Well, he also responded to those reacting negatively to the story, confirming that he is, in fact, the asshole.
The most rage-inducing comments are coming next. Brace yourself. pic.twitter.com/Rvpj9JppOD
— Jen (@such_hockey_wow) June 28, 2021
SHE IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU, OP. pic.twitter.com/pIKdHsX1Nj
— Jen (@such_hockey_wow) June 28, 2021
Here’s the thing: I don’t think that just because you make more money that you should be FORCED to pay for your significant other. That’s not what this is about. This man, however, knows that his girlfriend makes significantly less than him, knows that this is an expensive trip, and even recognizes that his family is well off, and yet he’s suddenly floored that she had to bust her ass to even go on the vacation and couldn’t afford to do everything? In what world would he not think to at least OFFER her a meal? Or at least ask if she was okay while on the trip or why wasn’t she coming with them to these activities?
The idea that she should have known how much this cost because he showed her where everyone picked isn’t an excuse, either. If everyone else is set on all these expensive things and she can’t afford them, why is it up to her to suggest going somewhere cheaper? You’re her boyfriend and this is your family, and you have ALL the information needed to know that she can’t afford to spend as much as them. So take the bullet, ask your family to go somewhere cheaper, or just offer to pay, and not in a pitying way.
So yes, you are the asshole. And I don’t care how you want to justify your response. You could have helped the woman you claim to care about and didn’t.
(image: Netflix)
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