‘I’d be going no contact if I were you’: Reddit backs woman who canceled her parents’ party over homophobia
A new AITA Reddit post tells the story of a woman who planned a huge anniversary party for her parents, despite their long history of refusing to accept her marriage, only to find out they never intended to invite her wife. When she realized, she canceled the entire event.
While Reddit was quick to cheer OP (original poster) on for standing her ground, there’s a bigger issue here for me – why was she even planning this party in the first place?
Good for her, but too little, too late?
Let’s be clear, her parents didn’t accidentally exclude her wife Emily. They didn’t just forget to invite her. They deliberately made a choice to pretend their daughter’s marriage doesn’t exist. This wasn’t new behavior. These are the same parents who refused to attend their own daughter’s wedding because it was “too painful” for them.
Despite all of this, OP still put in effort to create a perfect celebration for them. She dedicated time, energy, and emotional labor to honor a marriage that actively disrespects her own. The worst part? She did it all while taking time away from her wife, the one person who actually deserves that kind of love and effort.
Thinly veiled bigotry
The woman’s parents accused her of being “vindictive” and “punishing” them for their so-called “boundaries.” However, what they’re calling boundaries is just good old-fashioned homophobia dressed up in politeness. Let’s ask the real question: What exactly would have been the problem with Emily attending?
She wasn’t threatening to flip tables or start a dramatic monologue. She wasn’t demanding an apology for their already terrible behavior towards her. She was just existing as the wife of the person throwing the entire party and your daughter-in-law. However, her presence alone was enough to make people “uncomfortable.”
Translation: “We don’t want to acknowledge your marriage because it challenges our outdated views, and we’d rather prioritize the comfort of bigots than treat you like a full member of the family.” It’s gross.
How does Emily feel in all of this?
One thing I couldn’t help but notice is there’s no mention of how her wife, Emily, felt about all of this. Imagine being married to someone for two years, together for five, and watching them pour their heart into an event for people who openly reject your existence. How does that feel? Does Emily feel like a priority in their relationship?
In a relationship, you should make sure your partner never has to question whether they’re second place in your life. The hard truth is, OP shouldn’t have had to cancel this party at the last minute. She should have never agreed to plan it to begin with.
The verdict
Unfortunately, I have to go against the comments here and say YTA to our OP. Not for canceling the party, but for planning it. This doesn’t mean YTA forever, this can absolutely be fixed! This is a wake-up call. OP finally put her foot down, but it’s time to go further. No more bending over backward for people who have made it clear they don’t respect her. Most importantly, no more putting her wife in situations where she has to wonder if she is the priority.
If OP wants a happy, healthy marriage, she needs to start putting Emily first. Not just when things explode, but before they ever reach that point.
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