Our Completely Unfounded Picks for Tonight’s Golden Globes
We're basically just straight up guessing -- and so is everyone else.
Tonight is the Golden Globes, and while we’re mostly watching because Tina Fey and Amy Poehler
Vortex are hosting, we also have thoughts on who we’d like to see win. We don’t have a lot of fancy analysis of data for this, but if there’s one thing geeks have in spades its opinions about pop culture.
Here we go. The winners are the ones under the category headers in bold.
Best Motion Picture — Drama
12 Years a Slave
Gravity – Because space!
Best Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Her – Because we too have unhealthy attachments to our electronics.
Inside Llewyn Davis
The Wolf of Wall Street
Best Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama
Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine
Sandra Bullock – Gravity – Because space, but also because YOU try floating space for a whole movie.
Judi Dench – Philomena
Emma Thompson – Saving Mr. Banks
Kate Winslet – Labor Day
Best Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama
Chiwetel Ejiofor – 12 Years a Slave – Ejiofor made our list of 12th Doctors we would have liked to see. He obviously didn’t get the role, so let’s send him home with an award.
Idris Elba – Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom
Tom Hanks – Captain Phillips
Matthew McConaughey – Dallas Buyers Club
Robert Redford – All Is Lost
Best Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Amy Adams – American Hustle – Because Lois Lane.
Julie Delpy – Before Midnight
Greta Gerwig – Frances Ha
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – Enough Said
Meryl Streep – August: Osage County
Best Actor in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy
Christian Bale – American Hustle – Because we wouldn’t want to tell Batman he didn’t win.
Bruce Dern – Nebraska
Leonardo DiCaprio – The Wolf Of Wall Street
Oscar Isaac – Inside Llewyn Davis
Joaquin Phoenix – Her
Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Sally Hawkins – Blue Jasmine
Jennifer Lawrence – American Hustle – Because we want to see her victory speech.
Lupita Nyong’o – 12 Years a Slave
Julia Roberts – August: Osage County
June Squibb – Nebraska
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture
Barkhad Abdi – Captain Phillips
Daniel Brühl – Rush
Bradley Cooper – American Hustle
Michael Fassbender – 12 Years a Slave – He can control metal, therefor, he wins.
Jared Leto – Dallas Buyers Club
Best Director – Motion Picture
Alfonso Cuarón – Gravity
Paul Greengrass – Captain Phillips
Steve McQueen – 12 Years a Slave
Alexander Payne – Nebraska – Because this is the non-geek movie we’ve been looking forward to the most.
David O. Russell – American Hustle
Best Screenplay — Motion Picture
Spike Jonze – Her – Because we want to ask Siri about it in the morning.
Bob Nelson – Nebraska
Jeff Pope and Steve Coogan – Philomena
John Ridley – 12 Years a Slave
Eric Warren Singer and David O. Russell – American Hustle
Best Foreign Language Film
Blue is the Warmest Color
The Great Beauty – Because it’s the only one we can translate into a foreign language without Google Translate.
The Wind Rises
Best Animated Feature Film
Despicable Me 2
Frozen – Because damn, did you see Frozen?
Best Original Song — Motion Picture
“Atlas” – The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
“Let It Go” – Frozen – For real though. Frozen was real great.
“Ordinary Love” – Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
“Please Mr. Kennedy” – Inside Llewyn Davis
“Sweeter Than Fiction” – One Chance
Best Original Score — Motion Picture
Alex Ebert – All is Lost
Alex Heffes – Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Steven Price – Gravity – Because in space no one can hear your tense crescendo.
John Williams – The Book Thief
Hans Zimmer – 12 Years a Slave
Best TV Series — Drama
Breaking Bad – Awards, bitch!
The Good Wife
House of Cards
Masters of Sex
Best TV Series, Comedy
The Big Bang Theory
Parks and Recreation – Because treat yo’self!
Best TV Movie or Mini-Series
American Horror Story: Coven
Behind the Candelabra
Dancing on the Edge
Top of the Lake
The White Queen – Because it’s the only one on this list we actually want to watch.
Best Actress in a TV Series — Drama
Julianna Margulies – The Good Wife
Tatiana Maslany – Orphan Black – Because she’s basically like a thousand people.
Taylor Schilling – Orange is the New Black
Kerry Washington – Scandal
Robin Wright – House of Cards
Best Actor in a TV Series — Drama
Bryan Cranston – Breaking Bad – Because yo, Mr. White!
Liev Schreiber – Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen – Masters of Sex
Kevin Spacey – House of Cards
James Spader – The Blacklist
Best Actress in a TV Series — Comedy
Zooey Deschanel – New Girl
Lena Dunham – Girls
Edie Falco – Nurse Jackie
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – Veep
Amy Poehler – Parks and Recreation – Because she’s great, even though we kind of want to see what would bound to be an adorable reaction when she comes back on stage after losing.
Best Actor, TV Series — Comedy
Jason Bateman – Arrested Development
Don Cheadle – House of Lies
Michael J. Fox – The Michael J. Fox Show
Jim Parsons –
The Big Bang Theory
Andy Samberg – Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Because if you’re not watching this show you should be.
Best Actress in a Mini-Series or TV Movie
Helena Bonham Carter – Burton and Taylor – Because why not?
Rebecca Ferguson – White Queen
Jessica Lange – American Horror Story: Coven
Helen Mirren – Phil Spector
Elisabeth Moss – Top of the Lake
Best Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie
Matt Damon – Behind the Candelabra
Michael Douglas – Behind the Candelabra
Chiwetel Ejiofor – Dancing on the Edge
Idris Elba – Luther – Because Golden Globe could just as easily be a Jaeger’s name.
Al Pacino – Phil Spector
Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series, or TV Movie
Jacqueline Bisset – Dancing on the Edge
Janet McTeer – White Queen
Hayden Panettiere – Nashville
Monica Potter – Parenthood
Sofia Vergara – Modern Family – Because she’s going to win anyway, we might as well just get on board.
Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie
Josh Charles – The Good Wife
Rob Lowe- Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul – Breaking Bad – Because we want to see him for full-on Price is Right if he wins.
Corey Stoll – House of Cards
Jon Voight – Ray Donovan