comScore Your 'Game of Thrones' Questions Answered by 'Game of Phones' | The Mary Sue
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Get All Your Burning Game of Thrones Questions Answered by Game of Phones

Plus, the return of Gay of Thrones!


The anticipation for the final season of Game of Thrones reached a fever pitch, with a record-setting 17.4 million viewers tuning in Sunday night for the season eight premiere. It’s been over a year since we last saw Game of Thrones, and in that interminably long stretch between seasons, many of us have forgotten the details and plot points from season seven. Luckily, all our queries can be answered by Game of Phones, a hotline manned by the stars of the series themselves, for only $2.99 a minute.

In this sketch from Jimmy Kimmel Live, we see our favorite cast members working at the Game of Phones call center, thanks to a clause in their HBO contract that mandates they work the phones 20 hours a week. In one scene, Sansa Stark aka Sophie Turner is answering questions about Joffrey’s death, which it turns out was caused by a case of bad clams. “Remember, you have to tap the shells to make sure they’re alive before you cook them. It’s Clam 101.”

We also see Lena Headey/Queen Cersei answering a call from a woman who has a crush on her brother. Headey advises the caller that her crush is illegal and immoral, but if he’s hot then she might as well go for it. Then there’s John Bradley/Samwell Tarly diagnosing a caller with chlamydia, not greyscale. There are also appearances from Joe Dempsie/Gendry and Maisie Williams/Arya Stark. And it turns out that Kristian Nairn/Hodor’s HBO Go password is “Hodor.”

The sketch is filled with fun cameos, including a knife-wielding Iwan Rheon/Ramsey Bolton, who uses caller ID to terrorize a disgruntled fan and a frustrated Liam Cunningham/Sir Davos who assures a fan that his character still has his genitals (you never know with this show).

In addition to the return of the series, season eight also brings back the beloved Funny or Die series Gay of Thrones. Star Jonathan Van Ness, better known as Queer Eye‘s grooming maven, is back behind the chair as the stylist who can’t stop recapping the show. The premiere episode features repeat guest Bryan Safi, who Van Ness tells, “Buckle up, queen, because the wall is down, a woman’s on the throne, it’s the America I wish I was living in.”

Van Ness returns with all-new nicknames for the cast, including Arya as Baby Kill Bill, Daenerys as Christina Aguilera feat. Jon Snow, Tyrion Lannister as Mayor Pete, and Missandei and Grey Worm as Solange and Baby Barack Obama. But perhaps the best new nickname is Cersei, who is now Evil No-Volume Carol Brady. We also find out that Van Ness doesn’t watch the Real Housewives franchise because it has too many characters.

If you don’t have 60+ hours to re-watch Game of Thrones, bingeing Gay of Thrones takes a lot less time and will definitely make you laugh more.

(via ComicsBeat, image: screencap)

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Chelsea was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently lives in sunny Los Angeles, with her husband and two poorly behaved rescue dogs. She is a former roller derby girl and a black belt in Judo, so she is not to be trifled with. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her.