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Role Model: Female Shark Eats Male Shark in Seoul Aquarium Over Turf War

You're a shark. Sharks are winners, and they don't look back because they have no necks. Necks are for sheep.

This male shark fucked with the wrong female shark. In an apparent turf war between two sharks in a Seoul aquarium, a 5-year-old male banded shark bumped into an 8-year-old female sand tiger shark. Undoubtedly taking this as an act of aggression, the female shark ate the male shark and very quickly swam into our hearts to become one of the finest examples of what to do when some dude fucks with you: you fucking eat him alive.

An aquarium official told Reuters, “Sharks have their own territories. Sometimes, when they bump into each other, they bite out of astonishment.” Astonishment that some baby upstart would fuck with her? God damn right. The best part, aside from the 21 hours it took for her to fully eat him, is that she likely did it out of complete spite. She’s going to vomit the shark up soon. She had to have known that she couldn’t digest him, right? Like. Damn.

it me.

The next time you’re walking down the sidewalk and feel the need to get out of some dude’s way, do me a favor: don’t. Let the poor sucker bump into you and bask in the glorious feeling you’ll get as you watch his eyes go from incredulous surprise to absolute horror when you start walking up to him gnashing your teeth. It’s a turf war out there, ladies, and Mama Shark here doesn’t have time to fuck with male bravado.

(via Newsweek)

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Jessica Lachenal is a writer who doesn’t talk about herself a lot, so she isn’t quite sure how biographical info panels should work. But here we go anyway. She's the Weekend Editor for The Mary Sue, a Contributing Writer for The Bold Italic (thebolditalic.com), and a Staff Writer for Spinning Platters (spinningplatters.com). She's also been featured in Model View Culture and Frontiers LA magazine, and on Autostraddle. She hopes this has been as awkward for you as it has been for her.