Everyone has their own idea of what makes for a good New Years’ tradition. For one Kendrick Lobstar who was, hopefully, born with that name, the thing to do on New Year’s Day is put random food into the air fryer, cook it for two hours, and livetweet the results.
gonna air fry a Big Mac for 120 minutes and see what happens pic.twitter.com/Fsslsj6pV5
— (@KLobstar) January 1, 2022
This year’s food of choice was a Big Mac from McDonald’s. While many have asked why one would air fry an already cooked fast food item for two hours, my curiosity lies in the particular choice of food. Why a Big Mac instead of a Quarter Pounder (with cheese, of course)? Why a Big Mac instead of, say, a Whopper?
More importantly, is it my lot in life to report odd yet fascinating food stories to you all?
Mrs. Lobstar is in the know this time (implying that there was a last time)
Before the bizarre adventure begins we are told a couple of things: 1) no hotdogs this time (lol, what?), 2) the lettuce has been removed in fear of it catching fire (valid), and 3) Lobstar’s wife is aware of what’s happening in their kitchen (but isn’t enthusiastic about it).
Here is a summary of my thought process when reading those statements.
First and foremost, I had to go in and research the hotdog version of this experiment. Fortunately, further down into the descent into golden arched madness, we’re given the thread from January 1, 2021.
gonna air fry a hotdog for 120 minutes and see what happens
— (@KLobstar) January 1, 2021
Mrs. Lobstar, who clearly has more patience than all of us combined, wasn’t aware of the hotdog attempt until it had already begun. There is also mention of a child, meaning that there is a Lobstar Son who gets to witness (and smell) these experiments that take place in the Lobstar Kitchen. The hotdog, miraculously, did not catch fire, but it did look like a shriveled, cursed finger that one should never swallow (where my Jujutsu Kaisen fans at?).
This time, Mrs. Lobstar knows what’s going on. She doesn’t LIKE it but she, at least, knows about what her husband turned food scientist (citation needed) is doing.
The real hero of the story, in my opinion, is the air fryer, which somehow manages to survive these hellish trials each time.
The smell is thick, sweet, and could probably be weaponized
Half an hour into the air-fried experiment, we’re told that the smell is strange. The burger is already hard (at least, the bun is) and over time the smell becomes “sweet,” according to Lobstar. My guess is that it’s due to the “special sauce” used in Big Macs, that, and the overly toasted bun is giving it the “hint of fire” that is enveloping the household.
Apparently, the smell is the worst part, and at one point we’re told that it’s WORSE than the hotdog.
Also, why does he always do this with the windows closed?!
incredibly worse https://t.co/lsqlm3wMrX
— (@KLobstar) January 1, 2022
It’s almost impressive, as there was no point in the hotdog trail where Lobstar said that HE had to go outside because the smell was too much. That’s not to say the hotdog didn’t smell like forgotten road kill roasting on an open fire, but the Big Mac is “demonic,” according to Lobstar.
I’m gonna have to move this experiment outside, it’s just too much… The smell has become insurmountable and is demonic
the patty remains edible
20 minutes remain pic.twitter.com/4hcSVNquQq
— (@KLobstar) January 1, 2022
The smell lingers in the Lobstar house for hours – six, at least. I’m unclear of what it smells like at the moment, but I’m assuming that Febreze is being worshipped around the clock.
it has been 6 hours and the smell is tough to describe still, it’s sort of like if a McDonald’s burned down a town or two away and you can still just sorta smell it’s fucked up clown ghost in the air
— (@KLobstar) January 2, 2022
The cheese is “bubbling oil” but the hamburger is… relatively unchanged?
The greatest mystery of all in this experiment is the fact that the meat patty doesn’t change all that much. The bun is a shell of its former self. The sauce and its smell now permeate the walls. But the meat? The meat is… fine?
as two hours comes to a close, I am astounded that this is for sure still edible.
Do I abandon science here? Do I continue for another hour with the bread removed? Will my wife leave me? Why didn’t I open the windows earlier? pic.twitter.com/f2rxGjCL4l
— (@KLobstar) January 1, 2022
cross section— it appears the inside of the hamburger is relatively untouched, and is very soft. Smells somewhat like homemade meatloaf pic.twitter.com/9nkrL0h8mH
— (@KLobstar) January 1, 2022
Lobstar goes on to eat some of the burger instead of throwing it into a trash bag and driving it to his city’s morgue. After half an hour, he realizes his mistake, because his stomach isn’t lovin’ it.
Get it? Cuz the McDonald’s slogan is… yeah, I’ll see myself out.
Will there be a food saga more harrowing than this one in 2022? Probably, but this will always be remembered as an air-fried take on, “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.”
(Image: Studio Deen/Viz)
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