There is talk of a theory, one that is only found in the darkest of places, that foretells the destruction of Thanos at Ant-Man’s hand. I’m talking, of course, about the fan-favorite (in our hearts) theory of Ant-Man crawling up Thanos’s butt when he’s tiny and then just turning into a full-size human while inside, effectively blowing him up from the inside.
Much like if Thanos decided to go get some Chipotle, he would be torn apart from the inside, and the Avengers would succeed in their mission. Celebrities have joined in on this theory, especially with Josh Brolin, who plays Thanos, showing us how he’d fight back against Ant-Man’s dirty tricks. (Spoiler alert: It’s a poop joke.)
So now, with talk of Thanos and his ever prominent butthole being hot news, is it surprising that all the memes were remixed into a song about his butthole being the reason for his downfall?
Look, here’s the thing: I’m furious. Do I want to be marching around singing, “I’m gonna get real small and get inside your butthole”? Absolutely not. But here we are, because Marvel fans are wonderfully creative but also maybe the worst, and this is what comes of telling us next to nothing about what’s going to happen in this movie.
The Russo brothers even opened up about how this theory isn’t completely out of the realm of possibility, but also wouldn’t end so well for Ant-Man:
“Listen, here’s the thing, Thanos is incredibly strong. His skin is almost impervious. The question would be what would happen to Ant-Man if he did that. Would it work? Would it not work? If it didn’t work, it would be really bad.”
Now, I don’t think that that means we’ll see Scott Lang with his head in Thanos’s ass, but at least we know that maybe in one of those futures that Dr. Strange saw, he had to witness as Ant-Man trying to blow up Thanos from the inside. I get a sick sense of satisfaction thinking that Stephen Strange had to have that image seared into his brain for the rest of time.
Now, can we get a remix for “Get Small” to play out in bars and clubs?
(image: Marvel Entertainment)
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