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Why Anime is Doomed: Soulja Boy Records “Anime” and “Goku,” Manga Also in Works

You may loathe him for his handle-revving pheonomenon “Crank That,” but DeAndre Cortez Way–better known as the rapper Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em–probably thinks he’s doing anime fans worldwide a favor by recording two tracks for his upcoming Dre album titled “Anime” and “Goku.” Rejoice: We’ll no longer be thought of as oily hermits that wear large-breasted anime maids on our oversized t-shirts! Now we’ll just be thought of as oily hermits that wear large-breasted anime maids on our oversized t-shirts and listen to Soulja Boy!

This is the same guy that told Daily Beast columnist Touré, “Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we’d still be in Africa.” And not to compare this issue in the slightest, but I’m just sayin’: Without Soulja Boy, otakus would still be in their parents’ basements; or still in America, instead of their study abroad programs in Japan. So shout out! I have to give them where they’re due.

(The rest of this post contains some NSFW lyrics.)

A caveat: Because his music sounds like it was recorded in a grimy toilet as a .WAV file and his slurring is less understandable than Lil Wayne’s, the transcriptions are probably inaccurate. With that said, Soulja Boy’s new songs contain what I think are lyrical gems such as:

  • “Bitch I look like Goku … Bitch I look like Vegeta … I’m hoppin’ at that old school. 64′ Impala swagger. Bitch I’m popping bottle. Back up. Bitch I look like Goku. Put up in my old school. Fuckin other ??? Super Saiyan swagger.”
  • “Anime swag, I’m flying like Goku. Anime swag, when I pull up in that old school. Anime, drop past anime. Business chain, anime, and everything anime. Gucci skin, anime. My backpack, anime. My Xbok with the Glock cock that’s anime. Oh my god anyway, I’m balling out that avenue.” (Note: This is a different song from the first quote)

A source writes that the uncut dance version of the song “Goku” apparently includes the lyrics:

“Feelin’ like Goku. Feelin’ like Vegeta. Feelin’ like Gohan. Feelin’ like Piccolo. Feelin’ like Krillin. Feelin’ like Yamcha. Feelin’ like Tien. Feelin’ like Trunks. Feelin’ like Frieza. Feelin’ like The Ginyu Force. Feelin’ like that talking ass cat with the stick. Feelin’ like Master Roshi. Feelin’ like Chichi. Feelin’ like Pikachu.”

Huh? I’m pretty sure Pikachu wasn’t in DBZ.

Some of you who actually follow Way’s music career may also be familiar with his Death Note mixtape, which not only blatantly borrowed the critically praised anime/manga series’ title and design, but allegedly ripped off its soundtrack as well. It turns out that Soulja Boy’s obsession goes beyond that, as he actually runs his own DeviantArt page (*CEOSouljaBoy), complete with several uploaded cartoon art pieces (e.g. the descriptively titled “Soulja Boy ‘Girls On my dick’“). Way’s most recent post on May 25 details his long time plans for a manga series, based on himself:

I’m sitting here thinking of ideas and concepts for a manga/anime… The ones that mostly had my attention in my life would be Death Note, Cowboy Beebop, Full Metal Alchemist, Case Closed, Bleach, & Naruto.. I was thinking how I could fit into the anime world so PERFECTLY mannn I swear I could be a young new fresh Goku….. I may sound crazy or you might just don’t see my vision …

I had an idea of me in the year 3054 flying cars, floating cities, underwater civilizations. And there is an evil dude thats controlling the world through fear and power. And then I come in and murk his ass and save the day and become the youngest hero lol…. How does that sound? Quite an imagination huh? Think about it though futuristic effects, bullet time, fights, shootouts, the whole 9 lol im just brainstorming!

But mark my words ONE DAY I will complete my vision.. ha ha.

Ha ha. Save us.

Here’s the thing, though. Soulja Boy clearly knows his anime. To his credit, his anime and manga input is highly superior to his musical output. But mark MY words, the world will tremble if he ever creates a manga of his own. Then again, Justin Bieber already has a comic tracing his “rise” (what the hell is this, Bieber Begins?) due out in October, so we might as well give up all hope for the comic medium.

The songs are playable (at your own peril) below:

(via @SouljaBoy; image via *CEOSouljaBoy)

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