These princesses are not wishing upon a star. They’re bored to death of sitting around and waiting for princes, dreams, and all that other fairy tale stuff to happen. Who’s the fairest one of all? Justice.
Belle: Go ahead — call her weird. What a puzzle to the rest of us is how she let you get away without a kick to the face!
Ariel: She’s got whoozits and whatzits aplenty — and they’re all gonna rip you to shreds! (Also: She knows exactly where bin Laden is …)
Jasmine: You’re in for a whole new world — of pain!
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? It’s because he thought he could beat Pocahontas in a fight. And then she painted with all the colors of his blood!
Tiana: She’s climbed a mountain and crossed a river, and she’s almost ready to take you out!
Cinderella: A dream is a wish her boot makes!
Aurora: She showed you mercy — once upon a dream!