After Oprah Winfrey’s explosive interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry last week, many are wondering what, if any purpose the British monarchy serves. And that goes not only for the Windsors, but all monarchies in general. I mean, it’s 2021 already. Can anyone think of a present-day monarchy that is actually beloved instead of endured?
And fictional monarchies aren’t much better. How many stories, fables, and fairy tales showcase a functional, loving royal family that isn’t lying, deceiving, cheating, or attempting to murder one another? And is there a single royal family (fictional or real) that couldn’t benefit from some family therapy?
This got us wondering about the worst royal families in pop culture. It’s a list that is seemingly endless, but we’ve whittled it down to our top picks. Sure, it looks fun being rich and royal, but these family units have us feeling more than secure in our lowly plebe status.
Chelsea Steiner:
George R.R. Martin’s Westeros is positively littered with truly terrible royals. But few can match the cruelty and arrogance of House Baratheon. While the Lannisters may be the obvious villains, I would argue that the Baratheons are just as bad, if not worse. Stannis murdered his brother Renly and burned his own daughter at the stake for a chance at the throne. Joffrey Baratheon (or Lannister, if you will) was a cruel psychopath. And Robert Baratheon set the titular Game of Thrones in motion by getting killed by a wild boar on a drunken hunt. Oh, and he was abusive to his wife and slept with every woman in King’s Landing. Honestly, compared to Robert, the Night King isn’t looking so bad.
Jessica Mason:
Though he’s technically The Steward of Gondor and not a king, Denethor and his family are, let’s say, not the poster children for a functional family. Denethor is a power-hungry asshole who pushes one son so hard that he runs off on a quest and tries to steal the ring of power, and then is such a jerk to his remaining son that he almost gets him killed then tries to set him on fire. Get these guys some therapy! At least things worked out okay for Faramir, no thanks to Dad.
Rachel Leishman:
Prince Humperdinck of The Princess Bride is absolutely one of the worst royals out there. Attempting to force Princess Buttercup to marry him and trying to kill Westley so that he can get his way? Using the Six Finger Man to do his bidding and killing Inigo Montoya’s father? That’s not even getting into how terrible he is as an actual ruler!
Vivian Kane:
Shakespeare had a thing for writing about dysfunctional royal families, but few were worse than King Lear. Lear encouraged passive aggression and lying in his daughters and punished his younger daughter, Cordelia, for refusing to tell him lies just to boost his ego. Lear is betrayed by his other (monstrously toxic) daughters, he has his kingdom taken from him, loses his grasp on reality, and very nearly dies on a number of separate occasions. None of that would have happened if he didn’t foster a culture of lies, sycophancy, and competition among his own family.
Kaila Hale-Stern:
In keeping with our Shakespearean theme, pretty much everyone in Hamlet is the worst (except maybe Horatio), and the royals are the super-worst. Denmark’s ruling clan is really something else. First of all, dead Old King Hamlet won’t even do us the courtesy of staying dead and comes back as a vengeful ghost, an event that will lead his none-too-stable son Prince Hamlet down a path of (spoiler alert) everybody dying! Meanwhile, Hamlet’s mother Gertrude has happily moved on from her vengeful ghost-husband and is shacking up with his brother, Claudius, who is now the king. Another spoiler alert: Claudius killed his brother in the first place, sparking the whole angry ghost thing. Claudius also tries to have Hamlet killed when he realizes the jig is up. Oh, and did we mention there’s some Oedipal uncomfortableness between Hamlet and Gertrude, and the entire lot of them are in desperate need of family therapy?
But really, one of the worst fictional royals of all time is Hamlet himself. The princeling (is he a young student or is he 30? No one is sure!) is given to long existential navel-gazing. I’ve never been able to get over the fact that no one really trusted him in the first place, even before all the vengeful ghost stuff. By the play’s end, Hamlet drives the woman who loves him, Ophelia, to die by suicide, kills her father and brother for good measure, brings about the death of his mother and uncle, and then, unwilling to stop the drama for even one second, dies in his friend/possibly lover Horatio’s arms. Not before being sure to declare, “O, I die, Horatio … The rest is silence.”
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Who is your pick for worst royal family? Let us know in the comments!
(featured image: HBO)
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