Server gets a huge tip from customer. Then she goes and hides in the back of the restaurant: ‘They’re sending a message to you’
As times get tighter and service industry workers continue being underpaid, tipping culture is getting weirder and weirder. What started out as a courteous way to give back to servers has turned into a tangled ball of discourse.
On one hand, now people who aren’t servers have started randomly expecting tips, resulting in a now-universal expectation to tip no matter the circumstances. This has brought about the oft-repeated refrain, “Tipping culture is out of control.”
On the other hand, servers’ wages are still so poor that they often have to resort to creative tricks to get more tips and make ends meet. Clearly, this is an imperfect system.
Enter one woman, Audi Stong (@audixrfy), who’s gone viral for recounting a quirky relationship she used to have with tipping. Since it was first posted on Feb. 7, Stong’s video has accumulated over 22,000 views on TikTok.
More money, more problems
Stong starts her video by taking us back to when she was in her late teens, working as a server.
“When I was a server, when I was 18, 19, 20years old, and I would get a big tip from someone,” Stong begins. “Like, guys would be sitting at a table and they’d order like two beers or freaking salad or something. At the end they would leave me like $50 to a $100.”
Sounds pretty cool, right? Well, things aren’t so simple. Stong didn’t necessarily know how to respond to those situations.
“I am so socially awkward, like, so awkward when it comes to that stuff,” Stong says. “I literally would go and I would hide in the back. I would hide in the back until they would leave, and I felt so bad.”
Stong describes this anxiety as “a crippling thing,” and says she doesn’t “understand why she was like that.” She asks her viewers if they’ve experienced anything similar.
@audixrfy Anyone else? ??
♬ original sound – audixrfy
Why would a big tip be a bad thing?
A couple of viewers immediately identified the source of Stong’s tension in her comment section: Namely, that there might have been a sleazy undercurrent to the larger-than-normal tips.
“It woulda just ended with them tryna get your number anyway,” one commented, to which Stong responded, “Right then I woulda felt bad.”
“… The only reason why they would give a big tip like that is because they’re sending a message to you that they want you,” another wrote.
This is not a new phenomenon. Internet forums are filled with debates on whether it’s “creepy” to leave a large tip for a female server as a male customer. As one Quora respondent wrote, “A server might find it creepy if s/he felt the tip came with an unspoken request for some personal service additional to what has already been provided.”
Waitresses have even taken to social media to gauge whether they should even accept big tips from men at all. Ultimately, in the wise words of a Redditor giving advice to one such waitress, it’s OK to accept money you’ve worked for—because quite simply, “your money is your money.”
Tipping protocol: How much should you actually tip?
The most important thing to do as a food service customer is treat servers with dignity and respect. Part of that, clearly, is tipping the right amount. So what’s the protocol here? According to travel service Authentik USA, it’s actually pretty straightforward.
“Tipping is essential in restaurants, where servers’ base salaries are often well below minimum wage,” Authentik writes. “The norm is to leave between 15 and 20% of the total amount before taxes. In some upscale restaurants, it is not uncommon for customers to leave up to 25% for exceptional service.”
Meanwhile, the Dashew Center for International Students & Scholars at UCLA also advises that “for poor service 10% is acceptable.” So even when you haven’t had the best dining experience, it’s still courteous to leave a little something for the server.
After all, as Authentik says, “the minimum wage for tipped workers can be as low as $2.13 per hour.” Moreover, even if one server didn’t deliver, a tip “not only rewards the server who served you but may also be shared with other staff members, like hosts or kitchen assistants.”
The Mary Sue has reached out to Stong via email.
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